Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Recurring Nightmare

A long time ago, when my son was maybe 2 years old – so 14 years ago – my car was broken into during the night. It was parked in front of the house. I came out to the driver's side door, on the street side, standing open. The glove box had been rifled through and anything of value was gone. The doors had been locked, but it was a late 80s Ford station wagon so I can't imagine it was that hard to break into.

So I got into the car, straightened up the glove box, put in the key and turned it. Nothing happened. I was already going to be late for work and now the car wouldn't start. I'd had problems with it before, and thought the battery cables might be loose. So I popped the hood release, got out and lifted the hood. Indeed, the cables were loose. Very loose. They were just hanging there. The battery was gone.

Yep. The fuckers also stole my battery.

Since then, off and on, I'll have a dream where I'm coming out to my car and it's been ransacked. I'm talking to the point of doors, tires, even the entire engine missing. I have no idea what triggers the dream, but I had it again last night. The difference this time was, in the dream, I was tired of this crap happening all the damned time. So I gathered what I could of the car and took it to a person who supposedly would be able to make it so nothing could be taken from my car ever again, but it was going to cost me $400. I woke up before deciding whether or not to have the work done.

To this day, I never keep anything of value in my car.

Monday, February 09, 2009

My lame humor.

The other day, Heather and I were in Barnes & Nobles. I saw this book on the new arrival shelf:

I picked up two copies of the book, turned to face Heather, and without saying a word bumped them together a couple of times:

She laughed. She gets me.

Friday, February 06, 2009

25 Things - List of things... random things... about me.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1 - I've had two legal name changes in my life so far. Let's just say me and the mafia have this thing that goes way back. It's not true, but let's say it for giggles.

2 - I hate to travel, yet I've been to England. I hated the trip, but I really enjoyed my two years in the country. The trip back was even worse, and it ended in the the Dallas/Ft. Worth airport. It was like having to go through purgatory and ending up in Hell. Sorry, Jeannie, but I'm no fan of Texas.

3 - I'm a perfectionist. Just not a very good one. That annoys me.

4 - I haven't broken a bone yet. Mine or anyone else's.... wait, no, I did break Derek Knight's thumb once, but he was asking for it. I'm still break free though.

5 - I don't really know how many movies and TV shows that I have on DVD. Some people can count them off in their head. I can't do that. Nowhere close. And they are in at least three different rooms of the house.

5 - What I said about DVDs also applies to video games. I've been a gamer since the Atari 2600 days, and really should have pursued a career having something to do with games. But I didn't. That's one of my main regrets. I haven't had all of the major gaming systems, just most of them. 

6 - I also love to read. Especially humorous fiction. My favorite authors are Terry Pratchett, Christopher Moore, Robert Lynn Asprin and John Scalzi.

7 - I've hydroplaned for about 200 feet on a motorcycle on one of the busiest streets in Colorado Springs. I didn't crash, but when I was able to recover and stop I was shaky for a half hour.

8 - I DID crash a motorcycle in a roundabout just outside of Bicester in England. Like an idiot I pulled out without really looking and there was a car ready to smash the crap out of me. So, I gunned straight into the bushes in the middle of the circle, flipped, rolled a couple of times. Next thing I knew there were several concerned Brits gathered around me asking if I was okay. Surprisingly I was, just really embarrassed at being a dumb American.

9 - Years later, back in the states, I rolled my Volkswagen beetle while taking a corner too sharp on a wet road. I ended up at rest on the driver's side of the car surrounded by a haze of battery acid – in the old beetles the battery was stored under the backseat, and my car had no back seat, so it splashed everywhere as I tumbled. I was helped out through the passenger door by people who were amazed I wasn't really screwed up. We got the car back on its wheels and I was able to drive it the rest of the way to work. My throat and chest were hurting and all I could smell was acid. I flushed myself out the best I could in the bathroom, then called my girlfriend at the time to tell her what happened. The first question out of her mouth, "Is the car okay?" She's my ex now.

10 - My friend, Mike Burns and I used to do all kinds of stupid things. He was my best friend in third and fourth grades. He had a lazy eye. He was also diagnosed as hyperactive, so he couldn't eat sugar of any kind. Going to his house for after-school snacks was not a high point of the week, but I felt sorry for him. So I would sit and eat the celery while thinking about the Carnation instant breakfast bar that waited for me at my house. Of the many stupid things we did, two stand out. 

11 - One was taking a bunch of primer caps from my dad's ammo bench and taking them out to the sidewalk and hitting them with a hammer. The third one I hit ricocheted off the surface of the sidewalk hand hit him on the forehead about a half inch up and between his eyebrows. It made a crescent shaped cut in his head that bled a bit and scared the crap out of both of us. We learned from that one. 

12 - The second thing was we would take the powdered bug poison my dad had for the roses and other garden plants, climb up into the rafters of my garage, take a handful of poison each, and toss it into the air while making explosion noises. I recall it looked cool. God knows how much of it we inhaled, and it's amazing I'm not sitting in corner somewhere passing what little life I have left drooling. I suppose there's still time for that though.

13 - I didn't even know how to drive a car until after I was in tech school in the Air Force when I was 19. And that was an automatic that I wrecked within two months of buying it. I t-boned a car at an intersection because I couldn't see due to the sun setting behind the Rockies, and the pitted window in the old used car I'd bought. I had been following the car in front of me, trusting that he knew what he was doing. What he was doing was running lights. The guy I hit was massively pissed. He'd just bought the car a week before. What he didn't do, however, was purchase insurance. So I got a ticket for running the light, and he got a ticket for not having insurance and had to pay for his own repairs. My car was totaled.

14 - I didn't learn to drive a standard transmission car until I bought the beetle I mentioned when I was 24. The rest of my time was spent on motorcycles. I loved them. Now I'm thinking if I had a motorcycle it would end me. A shame really, as I would really like one. That said, I wouldn't want either of my kids to ever ride a motorcycle, unless I was driving it. I don't trust anyone else, and I can never be a passenger on a bike anymore.

15 - I'm not very good at being brief.

16 - If I don't know you well, I probably come off as someone totally lacking in all human interaction skills and emotions. This is due to my surprisingly intense introversion, and never really living anywhere long enough while growing up to develop decent people skills. Not to mention my adult role models were a bit lacking on their part. I did manage to learn at a rather young age that you need to separate the seeds and stems from the huge pile of weed on the coffee table with precision, or else they pop while the joint is burning and pisses off the adults. That's not something I would have picked up just anywhere. Once I'm around someone long enough I'll relax and become somewhat more tolerable.

17 - One of my cousins liked to chew on the lead weights that were in the bottom corners of the curtains in her room. It was the 70s. She's a parent now, and her kids seem normal. She offered me one, and I just said no. Okay. Fine. I chewed on it a little bit, but I didn't like it that much, and I didn't inhale.

18 - In spite of #16's lesson plan, I've never done drugs. I could see how it effected the people around me and decided at a very early age that I wanted no part of it. I've been in enough dope clouds at an early age though to have developed a few contact highs.

19 - I don't drink anymore. I drank a LOT in England, and kept on going heavy back in the States. One night around 1992 while having a fight with the girlfriend from #9, I drank a bottle and a half of Crown Royal. I went all the way past drunk. After that night I felt sick. Very sick. And for several years after, if I so much as tasted alcohol I would feel like I was going to vomit. So I got out of the habit.

20 - I realize this has been stupid long, so my "things" from here on out are going to be short. Brief, if you will. That thing I'm not good at being. I really like peanut butter.

21 - My favorite numbers are 9 and 13. 

22 - My favorite color is green. 

23 - I don't like gambling.

24 - I'm not that keen on sports.

25 - I've never met my biological father, and really have no desire to.

And there it is. 25 things.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

An update and so much more!

First things first, my daughter is adjusting well enough to a daily grind that is chock full of insulin shots, checking blood sugar at least four times a day or more, eating six meals a day, and counting carbs. Speaking of blood checks, there was a string of four or five days where we had to check her blood sugar at 2am because it was below 150 before her bedtime snack. By the end of that run we were both exhausted.

She needs a breakfast that contains 45g of carbs, a 9 am snack containing 15g, a 11:30 lunch containing 60g, a 2:30 snack containing 60g (long story, involves mother/daughter tradition of sorts), a 6pm dinner of 45g, and a bedtime snack of 15g. We're going to look at adjusting those amounts a bit so that she can eat more at her main meals because she seems to be constantly hungry lately. She can do in-between snacks of zero-carb foods, but it's just getting silly lately. She's eaten enough cheese lately to be nicknamed "Wisconsin". She had managed to regain half of the weight she had lost before going into the hospital.

I'm also starting to get a better grip on what the two types of insulin she's taking do to her system. Pretty soon the diabetes assistant (I don't know the exact job title) is going to have me take over figuring out the doses. Wheee. No pressure or anything. I've already learned that it's better for her blood to be a little high than to be low.

On to the "more" of the title. Over at facebook, I've been "tagged" to take part in making a list of 25 random things about me. I haven't had time to do it yet. Honestly, I haven't had time for much of anything lately, and when I do have time I don't have energy. BUT. That said, I will be getting to this list either tonight or tomorrow morning. When it's done I'll also post it here. I plan to be as random as I can, so it should be fun.

I also haven't forgotten the daily doodle, although I might not be starting it up again until Monday. I used to have an hour before starting work, during which I would write a post and get other stuff done. Now my hours have been adjusted so I could leave work a bit earlier so I can get home in time for Jordyn's dinner, and now I'm lucky if I have 15 minutes free before work. In the morning it takes me 15 minutes to yawn, let alone try to think of anything worth writing about. So if I can't write anything during lunch, I probably won't post that day.

This is a lunch post. Pardon the peanut butter breath.

Before everything happened with my daughter I had a few potentially humorous things to talk about, but for the life of me I can't remember them now.

I do have a bit of advice though. If you are teetering on the brink of exhaustion, do not try to operate a fruit peeler unless you aren't that fond of the skin on your knuckles. It's just a bad idea.

Well, my time for the day is up. I'll try my hardest to yap at you tomorrow.
"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."