Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I've got hiiiiigh hopes.

As if I needed something else to add to my general chaos of mental distraction, I've started another blog. A story blog, really. Zombie related, naturally. If you have a few minutes it would be great if you would head over there, give it a read and tell me what you think either here or there. Or both.

Zombie Blogger

Since it's a secondary site it won't be updated nearly as often as this one. For example, the first draft of the post was written back on the 12th. I just got around to finalizing it today. Go me.

I've also decided to set up a site for The Jolly Reaper Interview:

The Jolly Reaper

The remainder of the interview will be posted both here and there at the same time. Any new stories that take place in TJR's "universe" will only be posted there.

With all of this planned writing, I think that at some point it might not be a bad idea for me to learn how to write.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Not much time today

Feeling blah and unfunny. It happens. When it happens these days I find that I turn to "POINTLESS PRODUCT CREATION!"

Today's pointless product is a new bumper sticker that I put together for the original "Support Evolution" illustration. Why did I do that you ask? No real reason, hence the pointlessness of it. Anyhow, here it is:

If you really like it, I mean you like it so much that just glimpsing it out of the corner of your eye makes you shiver all over and craaaave one of your very own so that you can blah blah blah*, you are welcome to buy one here for $3.49.

That's it for this Tuesday. Have a great evening everyone!

* A list of suggestions of what to do with it:

  1. Stick it to your car to show your fondness for logical thinking and poetry.
  2. Stick it to a car belonging to a militant creationist with no sense of humor and film him freaking out for America's Funniest Home Videos.
  3. Stick it on your school locker to let THE MAN know just how you feel about, you know, stuff.
  4. Use it as a book mark for your Bible. A really thick book mark.
  5. Keep it as a friend and talk to it when you think nobody's looking. See? It smiles at you.
  6. Give it to someone you love, because surely your loved one would enjoy a fish poem with a side of controversy.
  7. Roll it up really tight and snort coke through it.
  8. Buy a few to burn at a creationist bonfire rally of fun and free thought suppression.
  9. Slap it across the visor of the motorcycle cop that pulled you over for speeding and then skedaddle whilst he fumbles and shouts.
  10. Examine it real close to find the secret hidden message.**

Or, whatever other possible reason you might have for wanting one.
** I'm kidding. There's no secret hidden message.***
*** Or is there? (do-dee-do-doo...)

Monday, August 29, 2005

Mixed Bag Monday.

This was a movie watching weekend. Lots of movies watched. So many... Here's the list and a brief review of each:

Overnight - This is a behind the scenes documentary of the destruction of an ego. Specifically, the ego of the writer/director/musician of the movie "The Boondock Saints". Overall I found it interesting, in a train wreck sort of way. Somehow he managed to spring back from defeat because he's working on "the Boondock Saints 2", which after watching this documentary I'm really curious as to how he got another chance.

In Good Company - This movie stars Eric from "That 70s Show"; Topher Grace. According to IMDB his real first name is Christopher, but he hated being called "Chris" so he changed it to "Topher". Makes sense to me. Overall the movie was non-offensive, but it could have been told in 1/3 the time. It was slooooow. I also had a very hard time accepting the "romance" between Topher and Scarlett Johansson. I really didn't feel it. It seemed like it existed solely because of the script, in spite of how much she looks like Donna with a smaller nose. So it was a "watch once" film for me.

The Jacket - Starring Adrien Brody. I enjoyed this one quite a bit. It had a "12 Monkeys" feel, except instead of going back, he was going forward. I won't give away any of the plot. Just suffice it to say that it involves brain damage and death, and when is THAT not fun? I also must say that apart from Calista Flockhart, nobody can pull off emaciated like Adrien.

Donnie Darko (Director's Cut) - I liked it but after one viewing I have NO idea what happened. I thought I did but it still doesn't make sense if I examine it too closely. Yet I can't muster up the enthusiasm to watch it again.

Taking Lives - This was a decent thriller even though I figured out who the serial killer was moments after seeing him. Then it was just a matter of figuring out his game. There was a nice twist at the very end though.

Memento - I'd seen it before, but Heather hadn't and I really wanted her to. She enjoyed it and I enjoyed watching it again, even after already knowing how it goes. It held up well.

The Brothers Grimm (in the theater) - Holy crap! Evening tickets are expensive! Damn! Still, I'm glad we went. This was a fun movie. I wouldn't mind seeing it again, but I'm also a big fan of pretty much every Terry Gilliam movie, so take that as you will. I see it's not doing so well at Rotten Tomatoes.

We also finished off "Freaks & Geeks" and "Wonderfalls" and watched the rest of season two of "Black Adder" and a few more episodes of "Titus" and "Sex in the City". All good, but both "Freaks & Geeks" and "Wonderfalls" ended much too soon.


This spam isn't worthy of its own post, but it amused me:

Subject: Incredible prices for best drugs

She wants a better sex? (There are really only two options. Mix-and-match leads to issues with the Fundamental Right)
All you need's here! (I need a new washer and drier)
Your sex life is about to be ruined? (Is it?! Dammit!)
You can't make your girl groan from pleasure? ("Groan" from pleasure? I think I see your problem)
She'll squeal from delight! (You've spent too much time on the farm)
Only here and only today you'll find all kinds of love pi11s with special pri$es! (Damn! This email has been waiting in my inbox since Saturday. Oh well. The ship has sailed. Alas. Alack.)
In our LICENSED dr@gstore you buy meds right from warehouse! (Dragstore? Hahahah. I'll take a queen size.)
The store is VERIFIED BY BBB and APPROVED BY VISA! (Rrrrrrright.)

Last, here's the final version of Justin's tattoo:

Friday, August 26, 2005

Once more with feeling

A while back when I was talking about making tattoos I had requests from Kif and Justin for custom tattoo design.

Kif's wings were finished and blogged about awhile ago.

Justin wanted a skull with film coming out of its mouth on crossed gobo arms with the heads at the top over a slate. I asked him to send me photos of the gobo arms since I'd never heard of them before. He also sent me a photo of a slate which was very helpful. A couple months ago I sent him an early sketch to see if I had the general idea right. I'd left out the slate since it was basically background. This was the sketch:

It was close, but not quite right. He'd wanted it to be a full skull and rather than have the film like a snake's body he wanted it to be more like a tongue. He did think that having a camera lens for the eye was a good idea though.

After the clarification and direction, I drifted off to other projects for awhile. A couple days ago I resumed work on it and this is where it stands:

Now I'm just waiting to hear what he thinks of it.

One for the ladies

I played around with an ad for one of the popular weenie wonder drugs. Here is the result:

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Ahhhhhh... gaming bliss.

There's a game that you really need to try out. Seriously. It's available for both Windows and Macintosh. It's not a twitch game. As a matter of fact, the calmer you are when you play it, the better you will do. It's been around for years and I remember trying it out back on OS9. Then it didn't work so good. Now it's excellent. Best of all, a good chunk of it is free.

Click the pic to check the game out.

For free you can run through the tutorial, which I highly recommend. You can also, without paying a single cent, play the "Daily Demo". This is a set of seven levels that is changed every day of the year at midnight, Central. Free to play as often as you like. All you need is a computer that runs Windows 98 and up, or Mac OS 9.1 and up, and an internet connection, which if you are reading this, you have.

Static screenshots do not do this game justice. They have movies that show the game in motion at the website, but if you are going to download a movie you may as well download the game.

Give it a shot and then tell me what you think. Be sure to go through the tutorials however, or it might be confusing as to what you are supposed to do.

From their page "the game":

Embrace your ADHD!

There's lots of talk about Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity in the media these days. It's said that ADD and ADHD manifests itself as "...a persistent pattern of inattention and hyperactivity-impulsivity that occurs more frequently and more severely than is typically observed in people at comparable levels of development. Sometimes people with ADHD hyperfocus. They focus on one thing and ignore all else around them. "

Is that necessarily a bad thing?

tranquility was envisioned and designed by a video game programmer with a textbook case of Attention Deficit Disorder. It took a year of struggling to maintain enough focus to get the game completed, but well worth because it ended up being a refuge from what he, and other ADHD people deal with every day.

We've had a hard time describing exactly what the game is really about, which shows the key aspect of ADHD, the blessing of totally out-of-the-box thinking.

tranquility is the ADHD game for both kids and adults. It requires no memory of paths and patterns and it's essentially goal-less so there's no feeling of a need for completion. It's endlessly changing while at the same time continuously familiar so once you lock into the game, there's a single goal with no distractions except the game itself. tranquility is pure, stimulating eye-candy with enough levels to always show you something new, for months on end. Even the game's music is somehow melodically familiar, yet unlike any songs you've heard before.

If you think you have ADHD symptoms, or have been diagnosed as such, give us a try.

tranquility won't "cure" you, get you organized, clean out the garage, get those reports done for the boss, or miraculously turn your life around. What it will do is let you turn the world off, be yourself, and give you a truly magnificent tool of procrastination. Best of all, we think it will bring you some inner peace and let you be happy with the real you. If you're the right kind of person, tranquility will "click" at some basic level and you'll feel like you've come home.

So don't fight your ADHD or suppress it with drugs, embrace it! Give tranquility a try.

© 1992-2005 TQworld LLC.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


1. On the way home after the last poker tournament at Derek's house, Heather and I passed an SUV with a bumper sticker that read:

Not so lean
Not so mean
But still a Marine!

... I laughed and then proceeded to have quite a bit of fun with it. A fair amount of it was "you had to be there" stuff having to do with me saying witty things in strange voices; most of which won't carry over well in print.

I wondered what type of person such a sticker was designed for. A retired Marine? An office Marine? A Marine that has grown a tinch chunky and friendlier over time? "I may be assigned desk duty, my ass has grown larger than my chair and I'm kind to children and kittens, but I'm still a Marine dammit! Ooowah! Donuts! Hey sarge! I can TAKE that hill! *munch*munch*munch*"

Or is it possibly for the more effeminate Marine? I'm not speaking of women. I'm talking about the ones you don't ask, don't tell about. At least, that was the policy back when I was enlisted. Perhaps it's different now, and they give them bumper stickers?

"I'm a MARINE! Semper Fi Guys!" or "I'm a closet Marine. Shhhhhh!"

I just don't know.

I tried to get a look at the driver as we passed but he/she had tinted windows and it was at night so no luck.

2. On the way in to work there was an old, old, old, old, olllllldddddd, woman behind me in a new Chrysler. She had an angel hanging on her rear view mirror. Every time I came to a stop I would look in my mirror to see if she was going to hit me. She never did, but EVERY time she came to a stop, up until I was able to ditch her, she would turn her head and talk to that angel. Freaky. I knew she was talking to the angel because she would look right at it and her lips would move. Then she would look ahead at me and her lips would stop. Then she looked back and the moving lips started up again. I'm a little concerned that she was talking about me. And even more concerned about what the angel was saying.

Friday, August 19, 2005

A bit'o this, a bit'o that.

The comic that the earlier panel was from was Moon Knight. Moon Knight. No points awarded, but thanks to the four of you who played. As a bonus here's another wonderful panel from the same issue:

If I were the guy in purple I would be so grateful that I was face down at that moment. In spite of the apparent evidence to the contrary, Moon Knight was a fantastic series. I'm surprised they haven't made a movie of it yet, to be honest.

Next, Kathleen was kind enough to link to an article about the killing by police of the girl whose father was using her as a human shield. The way it is written, it strikes me as an opinion piece. If that is the case it's possible that the writer is not presenting all of the facts of the situation accurately. I will say this, it made me angry. Mostly at the writer.

Here's what I've gathered from her article:

1 - Peña was armed with a stolen semiautomatic handgun.

2 - Peña and the police had been in a stand off for 2.5 hours.

3 - '"The guy was shooting at (police) all the time. Bullets were pinging off cars. ... This guy was no innocent bystander."'

4 - Peña fired his gun "toward" people.

5 - "Police say they can't determine which officer fired the shot that killed the toddler"

6 - "Still, Police Chief William J. Bratton has been clear that all fault lies with the father -- "a cold-blooded killer,' who doomed his baby girl when he used her as a human shield while continuing to fire at the authorities."
7 - She blames the mother for the daughter's death due to her poor choice in men.

8 - Then she goes on to say "I don't mean to suggest in any way that Suzie Marie's life was open to forfeit because of her mother's bad decisions -- an innocent child died an early death when that never should have happened. But I will argue that Lopez should consider how her own bad judgment in partners brought violence and mayhem into her children's lives."

9 - Apparently it is an impossible standard to expect the police to not shoot children.

Here's what I find wrong with the points she made:

1 - I'm not the expert I once was on handguns, but they don't hold a hell of a lot of bullets. If it was stolen, did it come with a barrel of ammunition? Just how many bullets did this guy have?

2 - If he had a gun that held 14 rounds and lets say three extra clips – and I'm guessing since nothing was said about how many rounds he had – that would be 56 bullets. There are 150 minutes in 2.5 hours. That means if he paced himself down to his last bullet before the police took him out he would be able to fire once every 2.67 minutes. Which is all just guess work since we don't know how many bullets he had. But again, unless he had several boxes of ammo with the stolen gun he couldn't have been doing what the witness said.

3 - Which is this. And talk about the quote of the year, "This guy was no innocent bystander." No shit! That wasn't in question. The girl however WAS an innocent bystander and a hostage. The question is, did the police have to kill the child to get their man? A man who had a handgun that he was "shooting at (police) all the time" for 2.5 hours.

4 - Was he aiming or wasn't he? If he wasn't than "toward" is acceptable. It implies a general direction and a lack of focus. "At" means he's actually trying to hit someone. I'm just pointing this out because it seems a poor choice of words for someone writing in what I assume is a major paper. I'll bet he was firing "at".

5 - Okay, I realize that crime scene investigation isn't really like it's portrayed on TV, but come on! Collect the guns that were used by the police, match ballistics. How fucking hard is that? Isn't that done all the time to put criminals in jail? So, since it's a cop's gun it's now Mission Impossible? And she doesn't see anything strange or wrong about that?

6 - Again, this isn't a movie. There is a limit to how many bullets there are in a gun. And how freaking large was the child? How small was Peña? They couldn't shoot around her? How could ALL the fault lie with the father? Nothing else could have been done by the police to diffuse or change the situation? Hell, what about tear gas?

7 - When I read this was when I really got angry. I'm quite certain that the mother regrets ever getting involved with Peña. Does she also need to read you telling her that she has bad taste in men? And that it was ultimately her choice in Peña that is responsible for her child being dead, and not the police who did the actual shooting? They are blameless, even though they can't track down which officer fired the fatal shot?

8 - Blaming the victim. Lovely. Yes, some times when people choose partners they make bad choices. Does that mean that every person who has gotten involved with someone who might beat them and their children is ultimately the one to blame? It sounds like she is saying that. Yes, Lorena Lopez chose a man that brought violence into her life. How does that excuse the police for shooting the child? Here's a hypothetical situation: Jane loves Bill. Bill does something to attract the attention of criminals. The criminals come after Bill at work and gun down both him and his child who was there at the time. The police have all of the criminals that were at the shooting in custody, and all of the weapons, but are unable to determine who fired the killing shots. Ultimately, it's Jane's fault for loving Bill. Sure, different situation. Unless you replace the word "criminals" with "police".

9 - Not every situation is salvageable. Sometimes hostages get killed. Usually it's by the person holding the hostage, not by the police. The man had a handgun 2.5 hours, a finite amount of ammunition and one hostage who he might not have wanted to harm. And the police killed them both.

Okay, I did a little searching of my own – finally – to find out more details of what happened. Here are two links. 1 2 They shed a bit of light, like the fact that Peña fired over 40 shots and the police fired over 100. In the 2.5 hours of the stand off, there were three periods of shooting, including the final one. The bullet that killed the child was the caliber that the police were using. It was a through-and-through bullet so unless they can find the actual bullet out of the 100+ that were fired it can't be traced back to a particular rifle. They thought he was incapacitated by a sniper shot when they rushed the building. She might have been killed by an earlier shot and her father might have been still holding on to her body – which makes sense to me since, if he was holding her when she was killed, the bullet that killed her should have been in him unless it had enough velocity to pass through both of them. Also, the only police injury sustained in this shootout happened during the rush into the room Peña had retreated into. So how is Peña a "a cold-blooded killer" like Police Chief William J. Bratton said? Who did he kill?

After everything I've read so far this situation feels to me like it was handled with excessive force and impatience. They knew there was a hostage yet they traded shots with him. Is that normal procedure?

It all makes me sad and I've had enough of that. I will watch to see what happens now though. If anyone sees anything new about it, send me a link.

Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


I'm having trouble getting into this week. I feel displaced. It happens. I really, really wanted to have the next part of the interview up for your enjoyment, but since I haven't written it yet that's kinda hard. Alternatively I would like to have some drawings for you, but every time I try to draw something for the last several days I can't. Then I was racking my brain for an interesting story to relate but came up empty. Yes. My brain is empty.

Well, almost empty.

One thing did come to mind. It's another story about our former co-worker "Sunny". The one who is married to the mighty sodomite. It's a short one. Here it goes.

"Sunny" once bought meat from a guy who was going door to door selling... meat. Not for a local meat packing company or anything. As far as I know we don't have a meat packing company around here.

He was just this guy – I'm reasonably sure she described him as "a bit scruffy looking" – with a cooler full of meat that he wanted to sell, and apparently the best way to do that in his mind was to go around to strangers homes at night, knock on the doors and when someone answered say something like, "Gotsum meat wantsum?" while grinning in a friendly way. Perhaps with banjo music playing softly in the background.

There must have been something to it because "Sunny" boughtsum.

I guess she didn't want to tell the nice scruffy man, "No. I'm not really keen on your meat." or something.

Derek probably remembers how much she paid. I'm thinking around $30 or so.

The next day while telling us about it she asked, "Do you think I should eat it? I probably shouldn't. Should I?"

... That's the best time for second thoughts. A day later. I have no idea if she ever ate it or not.

You've been wonderful. See you tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Other People's Kids

I never planned on wanting to have kids when I was a teenager. I mean I didn't expect to EVER want kids. Even when my son was on the way I still wasn't sure how I felt about it. As it turns out I love kids. Specifically, I love MY kids. Other people's kids...

This past weekend Heather and I went by Game Crazy to try out the one-race demo of the upcoming game "Burnout Revenge". It's the sequel to a racing game that surprisingly captured Heather's interest: Burnout 3. As fun and addictive as Burnout 3 was, Revenge is set to blow it away. My lord was that fun! Barring delays it's only a month away.

I also decided to try out a bargain title called Phantom Dust that they had used and were selling cheap. They had two copies and it is a system linkable game so if I liked it I was going to buy both so my son and I could spend a night or two beating up on each other before school starts and I get to laugh at him.

The clerk set the game up and I skipped through the opening movies and cut scenes in an attempt to get to the action to see how it played. I made it past the opening stuff but still wasn't in the action because it's one of those games where you have to explore a bit to find where you can fight.

So I'm wandering around in the game and I feel a tugging on the controller cord. I look down and there's this little boy no older than five or six pulling on my cord. He was a child that is probably referred to as "precious*" by his mother. I could tell he was a child that was going to have a tough time growing up. I mean actually getting bigger. He had stubby arms, stubby legs and a big head with big eyes that were staring up at me.

"Can I play?" he said when he saw that he had my attention.

"No, sorry," I answered and then returned to figuring out where I needed to go.

*tug*tug* "Why?"

I look back down and say, "Because I'm trying it out to see if I want to buy it."

He gets this screwed up little look on his big melon, stares me in the eye and says, "Liar."

My eyes must have widened and I got out, "Wha...?" before his wee legs carried him off to some other display machine.

I seriously couldn't believe it. When I was a child I would have never called an adult that I didn't know a liar to his face. Strangers could still reasonably get away with hitting children who weren't theirs back then.

I wanted to follow him and say, "Not only am I not lying, demon spawn, if I like it I'm buying both copies so you shall never play it. NEVER! Ahahahahaahahaah!" but that would have been childish. Also I'd just found where I needed to be, so I set about beating my opponent like he was a rude, pre-dwarf, cord puller.

* Okay, if children are so precious, why can't we sell them? I mean legally. I could have looked down, seen this kid at the end of my cord, said, "Oooh! How precious!", scooped him up, stuffed him in a bag, sold him and then payed off my student loans. "Precious" my ass.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Welcome to "Name That Comic Book"

Here's a panel from a comic book series that I loved as a child. It's from the first issue which really overreached itself in terms of plot and art direction. It got better.

A few observations about this panel:

- I never realized that The Village Inn was such a rockin' place.

- Look at the size of Bushman's pointing arm! You can tell he's right handed. And lonely.

- I never knew that dancing was worse than death. I know it often feels that way when you suddenly realize just how stupid you look, but given the choice between wiggling around a bit and cooling to room temperature in a pool of my own blood in the street, I'll wiggle. Thanks.

- I really think that the humiliation comes in how they are dancing. They just aren't really trying. No wonder Bushman looks miffed.

If I get enough people to play along I might turn this into another temporary "regular" feature.

Friday, August 12, 2005

"Unanswerables" Answered - part 3

Okay, first let me tell you the reason I'm going with this instead of the other suggestions. It isn't because Heather asked for it. I know, that might be hard to believe, but it's true. I'm going with "Unanswerables" because I'm a bit busier than I expected to be today and most of the things I suggested take a bit of time to assemble. I can do this about as easily as replying to one of Pat Angelo's posts. I might have a bit of time to make a new CliparToon as well before the day is out. You never know until it's too late.

For those of you who were hoping for the other stuff, rest assured that it will be coming in time. I'm not sure the interview will be done after the next part or not, so those of you looking for an end to that, it may still be awhile.

So here they are: fake answers to real questions that were asked of the fine people at Snopes – Your One Stop Shopping Spot for Urban Legend Debunking.

Same disclaimers apply.

Q: Can cocoa butter get rid of stretch marks?

A: Yes, but only stomach stretch marks and you have to eat an awful lot of it. Constantly. I recommend spreading it on cocoa toast.
Q: is it true that if you take already been chewed gum and put it in an orange peel and put it in the refigrator for 4-6 weeks and then eat it will it be acid?

A: Yes, but not the "happy" acid that makes you see strange and new things. It makes "alien blood" acid that will melt through your jaw and leave you looking like that poor kid who listened to too much 'Stryper', took too much "happy" acid then ate a shotgun. Or was it 'Phil Collins'? Either way, as long as you keep it in that orange peel you should be safe.
Q: can you tell me how i would analyze the effect each statistic has on the world.

A: Statistics actually have no effect whatsoever on the world. Meteors have quite an impact however.
Q: I have heard beggars can make a nice $100,000 salary, I was wondering if this is true.

A: Absolutely! That's why after the "" bust nobody really suffered. They just started begging and were able to continue living like kings. Or at least upper nobility. Sure, you have to "dress down" a bit when you go to work but that's really not that hard. Rub a little dirt in your face; put some fake needle tracks on your arm; carry around a crack baby; you're set! Honestly, the best career move you could make is to march right up to your McDonald's supervisor and tell him just where he can stick your paper hat! Then march out with a song in your heart and bag full of cups to hold all of your loot and bask in the big business that is high profit begging!
Q: Hippies Help!
If you smoke 'shrooms (hallucinating type) will you get spores in your lungs from the fungus? Please advise!

A: I don't advise you ask hippies. That's how they get more shrooms. By harvesting the lungs of people like you. If a hippy friend of yours offers you a shroom, it's not because he wants you to experience wondrous hallucinations. It's because he's planting his future crop. I highly suggest you throw the shrooms back in his face, yell, "Screw you, you damned hippie lung farmer!" and then scamper off before he busts out his lung hoe.
Q: Have you heard anything about a palm rub done when someone is shaking or holding hands that indicates they want to have sex with you? It sounds like some kind of secret sex handshake — and I've heard nothing about it till today.

A: Hahahah! Look at all the casual sex we've been having and you haven't because you don't know the secret! You schmuck! Sucks to be you!
Q: If you sneeze and get into an accident, are you still at fault? Are there any laws?

A: Nope. A sneeze is an act of Satan. There are no laws when it comes to acts of Satan so it is considered "no fault". You can certainly use this to your advantage now that you know the truth. The next time you crash into someone and it looks like it's your fault, crawl out of the wreckage turn to whoever is closest and say, "Well? Aren't you going to bless me?" You'll be golden after that.
Q: how much would a penguin egg cost to buy and ship to texas email me as soon as you get the answer to this question bcuz i would like to buy a penguin egg so please email me asap!!!

A: I have a penguin egg that I'm willing to sell you for $500. Plus $30 shipping and another $100 for insurance. Now, after it hatches you might think it's a chicken, but it isn't really. That is just an illusion caused by the hot Texas sun. It's a kind of defense mechanism that penguins use when they find themselves in Texas. It's perfectly natural, and is in fact an amazing example of the adaptive abilities of these wonderful birds.
Q: Is the government really as controlling and secretive as books make them out to be? Are there really tons and tons of secret spies all over the world?

A: Of course not. That's just silly talk. And I'm not just saying that because of the secret implant that nobody ever placed in my head behind my right ear that isn't rigged to explode if I say anything that could be considered unpatriotic. Wink-wink.
Q: I would like to know what does work and what does not work for getting rid of 'hickeys.' Such as the cold spoon trick, toothpaste trick, etc.

A: This always works. You get the person who gave you the hickey and then tell him or her to place lips against the exact spot and then blow as hard as possible. This will force the blood back into your veins where it belongs. You need to be sure they line up exactly right though or it'll look like you have ringworms which is far worse than having a hickey unless you are in food service. In that case both are bad. If you've allowed some guy to indiscriminately hoover his lips all over your neck how can I be sure you've washed your hands before making my taco?
Q: Is it true that you are more likely to die from a champagne cork than a poisonous spider?

A: It's true. Corks can be amazingly vicious when cornered. Many of them pack uzis and they know how to use them.
Q: How long are the intestines?

A: Long enough to run from your stomach to your butt-hole.
Q: can you tell me if there any subjects that have not been tainted by an urban legend in anyway shape or form?

A: No I can't. Sorry. It's classified.
Q: Is Bounce (fabric softener sheet) unsafe to use? Is it on the EPA's hazzardous waste list?

A: They are safe to use as long as you don't smoke them. This will give you what the kids these days call a "Bounce high". It's fun at first but before long you feel like you are being swarmed by beastly little teddy bears. And that's just not safe.
Q: Can you give me ANY statistics about urban legends on the internet? Anything!!! My speech is due monday and I have to have a few statistics in it.

A: 30% of the stupidest people in the United States will believe their favorite legend is true no matter what you tell them.
Q: if anyone understands what im saying please e-mail me at this e-mail adress.

does anyone here bilieve that there are aliens in other planets? who really made us is there really a god? im not saying there isnt but who made god? seriously please answer back at me

A: "Answer back at you"? I'm sorry. You are too stupid to be given the Truth. You might put your eye out.
Q: I've heard that it is impossible to take a lightbulb out of your mouth once one puts it in, without either breaking the bulb or dislocating the jaw.

Do you know if this is true? I'm counting on you - my husband is really curious, and I don't want to have to drive him to the hospital...

A: This is one of those wacky college drinking games. You say that in a room full of people and invariably someone is drunk enough to try it. You wait until he has the bulb in his mouth and then you slam his jaw shut and everyone laughs and laughs. My advice is try it out on your husband and then refuse to drive.

And there you have it. Every "unanswerable" question has now been answered and the world is a much safer place for us all. Have a great weekend everyone.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

No post today.

This is an illusion. Your eyes are playing tricks on you. Instead of creating something with which to (hopefully) entertain you today, I was over at Mark's site commenting on a couple of his recent posts. And now my creative reservoir is drained.


In the meantime let me pose a question to you. What would you, my beloved readers, like me to do next out of these choices:

- Write part 5 of the Interview with the Jolly Reaper.

- Answer the remaining Snopes "Unanswerables"

- Make fun of some ridiculous children products that I've had sitting on my desktop for awhile now.

- Make a new CliparToon as the one that's up there now has started to gather dust.

- Draw something. Anything. Maybe a zombie. Or not.

- This is an oldie: Make a new "Portal of Evil cartoon".

I'm not saying that any of that is what I will do, depending on what happens over the next 18 hours or so. But I would like to hear what you have to say.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Harper's Tidbits:

Bits from the Harper's Weekly and my take on the same.

"A Florida man pleaded guilty to beating his wife to death because she wanted to cuddle after sex."
Explain that one to your cell mate. "I was done with 'us' time and I just wanted some 'me' time." I hope he gets many years of fuzzy cuddling. Teach him a little tenderness.

"A Cambodian man found his mother after being separated from her for thirty years, then learned that she was also the mother of his wife."
Oops. "Um. Kids. Remember how we couldn't figure out why you all have flippers? We might have an answer."

"In Los Angeles, cocaine was found in the bloodstream of a toddler who died when her father used her as a shield in a shootout with police."
WTF? Okay, if someone holds up a kid, the cops should stop shooting. In no way am I saying this guy was right to hide behind his child or give her cocaine, but damn. LA.

"A man in Yorkshire, England, filmed his own suicide on his mobile phone and beamed it to his girlfriend."
Apart from how wrong that is, I can't help but wonder if he was driving at the time. And yeah, that's wrong too. But it gives me a little hope if I can look around while driving, see all the people on their phones surrounding me and think that some of them won't voluntarily be there tomorrow.

"An Australian woman sued the Sydney Aquarium for allowing a shark tank to shatter and shower her in sharks."
I just really like the alliteration of '... shatter and shower her in sharks.' Poetic. Imagine withstanding a shark shower. "We're gonna need a bigger umbrella."

"A man fell off the same building twice in Darwin, Australia."
When I get the Harper's mail I'm not given details. I have to let my fevered brain come to its own conclusions. Here, I figure he hit the ground, got up, dusted himself off, said "Survival of the fittest my ASS!" then hopped back in the elevator for another go. I might be wrong.

"A British man was ordered to stop committing anti-social acts after he was witnessed throwing furniture through his windows, setting bonfires in the morning, and going out in public naked save for a hat and a padlock on his penis."
Thank God he remembered to lock up the penis before he left. That was quite responsible of him, given the circumstances. You know. Being batshit crazy and all. God bless the Brits though, "Oy. You there. Stop it."

"A company in California was planning to sell human breast milk."
To cows.

"Scientists found that the male human brain has to work harder to listen to women than to listen to men."
Duh. Men usually don't ask other men questions after a conversation. They just go their separate ways or try to kill one another. That's it.

"Prairie dogs in Colorado were found to have the plague."
Again? Haven't we had plague ridden prairie dogs for years? Is this still news? I don't think so. When their little plague ridden bodies rise up from the dead and start thirsting for whatever it is a prairie dog thirsts for – holes I guess – then it'll be news. As far as that goes, would a prairie dog zombie actually rise from the grave or would it just resume burrowing with the occasional, "...rarrr..." ? Why am I asking you? You don't care about these things.

"Someone in South Africa was sodomizing corpses."
Talk about the best possible time for a zombie outbreak. Ride the tiger, buddy.

The entire list can be found here: Weekly Review 2005.08.09.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Apart from that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the concert?*

I was silly when I said I would have something more for you today. I'm dragging so much ass today I need another pair of pants and a few more hands. The concert ran long. We got out at 12:35 am. Home from picking up my daughter by 1:30. Might have fallen asleep by 2. Was supposed to be up at 7. Overslept a tinch and was six minutes late for work. The traffic lights were kind to me this morning.

The good: It was the Aquabats. Trevor got four of the five band members to sign his shoes. I have a sticker... I didn't get beat up by a gang of young freaks, which were there in abundance. Um...

The bad: I will never, NEVER go to that venue again. Good GOD! It was easily 40 degrees hotter in that place than it was outside. And it was a damp, sweat infused, people stink heat. Standing room only. I hate crowds as it is, and there they kept touching me. Ugh. UGGGHHH! And yes, my ears are still ringing. If I ever find myself deaf when I'm older and start to wonder how it could have happened, it would be grand if someone would refer me back to this post so I can read it and go, "Oh. Right." My eyes hurt too, probably from smoke or missing sleep. Or some eye disease that was born through the air on the freak funk. I don't know. About halfway though The Aquabats' song "Red Sweater" I realized I was about to pass out from heat exhaustion. Someday I imagine I'll look back on this and say, "Gosh, that was hot."

Tomorrow I might be back to normal. Whatever that is.

* I know, it's "play" but I wasn't there for a play dammit! And I do feel like I was shot in the head.

Monday, August 08, 2005

All Hail Stan

Okay a couple days back Eye of Goof linked to this site where I found a poster that I spent a couple minutes on my break turning into this:

And that's it. Munch them cookies.

A quick post of no substance

Hi kids! Today there are three of us here in our wonderful art department, where there would normally be six. That means I'll only have time for a single quick post today. And this is it.

Tonight I'm going to be taking my son to see The Aquabats in concert. It's in a small venue so I expect that I shall be deaf by the end of the night. I must say, hearing was awfully fun while it lasted!

Trevor will also be going. Even though he forgot to tell me about the concert, he did manage to paint up a new pair of converse high tops with the Aquabats logo. They turned out real nice. He's going to try to get them signed after the concert. Regardless of whether he succeeds I'll post some photos of them at some point this year.

Tomorrow I might have something wondrous for all you out there. I have a couple new drawing programs that I'm trying out. "Real media" programs. If I come up with anything decent I'll put it up. If I don't, that's right, I won't.

Oh yeah, school starts for my chill'ens a week from Thursday. One is excited and one is depressed. You can probably guess which is which.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The explanation...

I should have added this to my first set of Answers to "Unanswerables". This is Snopes explanation for the questions:

Every day our inbox fills with hundreds of questions that range from the routine to the extraordinary, the mundane to the fantastic. While we're honored that our readers think to turn to us with these head-scratchers, many of their queries are too obscure or complicated for us to answer. Among the more unusual questions that are sent our way, we sometimes find a few seemingly posed with such a sense of urgency that we can't help but wonder about the circumstances that prompted them — and the results.

Unfortunately the results may never be known, but at least I can help the world at large by providing answers that can be relied on to be totally wrong if not outright lies. Just doin' what I can.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

And now for some funny.

A reminder: my answers aren't meant to be taken seriously. So, don't. If you do, not my fault.

Snopes' "Unanswerables" as answered by Collin
Round 2

Q: Is Ciara a MAN????? PLEASE ANSWER ME BACK!!!!!

A: Who? Your turn.
Q: Is some one can tell me how to read expire date on corona beer box/bottle. code I have on box is DC08C088. What this mean. reply me ASAP.

A: If you went ahead and drank the coronas without waiting for an answer it means that you can soon expect to go blind and lose the feeling in half your body. Glad to help, although my name is not ASAP.
Q: People who get bite by a spider then get large bump on their body. The bump then erupps into hundereds of baby spiders. Can that realy happen?

A: Of course. It happens all the time. Don't you watch the news? But don't worry. They won't erupt until they've had their fill of you so they aren't likely to bite again for at least an hour.
Q: Can people see into your house if it's darker in your house than it is outside? When I look around at other houses that don't have lights on, I see darkness, a reflection or only what is immediately in front of the window (curtains, plants, etc.). As a result, I tend to act as though no one can see what I'm doing inside as long as the lights are off and there is no other source of light illuminating me. My wife, however, is often appalled by this behavior. Should she be appalled, or am I correct?

A: Not my house. I keep the blinds closed when I'm in the buff. And stop looking in your neighbors' windows. Pervert.
Q: I've been told that if you snort powdered glass as you would cocaine, you will die. Is this just a rumor, or would it actually happen?

A: Yes, you will die. The glass interacts with the ink of the new $20 bill you are using which causes a chemical reaction that rockets the itty-bitty shards of glass up your nose where, due to the sudden burst of speed, they shred through your brain and shoot out of the back of your head. You should be okay if you use a plastic straw or stick to licking it off your ho's breasts. As long as the thought of bleeding internally doesn't worry you. Worrying is unhealthy.
Q: A friend of mine asked me if I've ever hear of invisible witches or ghosts that suck the blood out of a person's arm while they are sleeping. Apparently, she saw "marks" on her boyfriend's arm and this was the story that he told her.

A: So. What did you tell her?
Q: I heard that bananas have a natural chemical that makes you happy. Is it also true that cockroaches can survive an atomic blast?

A: You've been smoking banana peels, haven't you? Cockroaches won't survive an atomic blast if you squish them all quickly enough. So get to squishing.

A: This is a myth. Much like career politicians, anacondas aren't born. They just happen and then slither into office.
Q: I'm 19 and from Yuma, Az and I would like to know if this myth I'v been hearing is true? By masturbating it helps the chance by not getting cancer? Is that true?..also I'v hurd other myths about masturbation and don't know if those myths are true or not. But I would like to know about the question I asked befoe.

A: Yes. Three wanks a day keeps the cancer away. And if against all odds you do happen to get cancer you'll be too tired to care. I guess you'll never know about the rest of those myths since you didn't ask.
Q: My friend swears that you can't be prosecuted for stealing a dead body because it has no intrinsic value. Is this true?

A: Once again, this is a question that is best answered by asking a cop. Be sure to have a shovel and a burlap bag with you when you ask, just in case it turns out it's all good. Heck, to save time ask one near the cemetery.
Q: How many items that contain poppy seeds do a person have to eat in order for a drug test to come out with a false positive? And does the effect of poppy seeds diminish after the 48 hour time frame from eating a food containing poppy seed? Please e-mail me these answers, thank you.

A: It's not so much the number of items as the number of seeds. It can take as little as a day to as long as 30 years for the effects to be totally gone from your druggie system. And I lost your email address. Sorry.
Q: I heard that rubbing a hickey with a penny makes it disappear faster. Is that true?

A: You must be very lonely if you couldn't come up with some way to answer this one yourself. Heck, suck on your own arm if you have to. But I still wouldn't recommend it. Everyone knows if you rub a penny on a hickey you arouse the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

A: By the shitload.
Q: Is it true that a girl cannot get pregnant if her mate smokes the seeds of marijuana when he smokes marijuana, please tell me if this is true because a lot of people tell me it is true and a lot of people tell me it's not and I don't know whaether to believe it or not because this town lies a lot. thanks.

A: If I tell you that smoking the seeds will actually make him extra potent and you'll have sextuplets, will it keep you from breeding? Did you really ask everybody in town about this? Now they all know you have sex with a pot head? At least they're probably laughing too much to lie to you anymore.

Even more to come.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

My Lunch With TJR - part 4

M: So let me see if I have this right. In order to get your own "Reaping Franchise" all you have to do is go to the IRS, fill out a form, take some tests to show you have the stomach for it and that's it? You don't need to pay anything? No start up fees?

TJR: Well for the most part that's correct. But believe me, you do pay.

M: How so?

TJR: You pay on your first client call...

M: Are you okay?

TJR: What? Oh. Yes. I'm sorry. I was just remembering.

You see, after you've turned in your forms and taken the initial tests then it's like any other government activity. They give you what you need to do the job and then you wait for the time to come to do it.

When I applied eight years ago we didn't have these nifty GPS locators. I was given a pager and I was told to always be near a phone. Generally I would have an hour from when the pager went off to give them a call back if I accepted the job, so it didn't really limit my movements much. No long trips through the desert, but otherwise life as normal.

I was also given a kit containing pamphlets that talked about presenting the proper image, putting together a good business identity, why I no longer needed health and dental benefits, how to cope with stress, the credit value of a soul and others. It was quite a package.

They gave me a franchise number and a mail order catalog for an unlisted company that specialized in hard to find reaper gear. It was explained that I would be receiving my Visa Black Card in the mail within the next few weeks and that, based on the size of my franchise I would have a quarterly budget that I needed to remain within. If I had trouble staying within the budget or seemed to be spending money at an excessive rate I could expect to be audited.

I was told as I finished up that I wouldn't be an actual reaper until the pager went off; if I turned down my first client my franchise would be forfeit and I would have to repay the balance on my Black Card; and that it could take anywhere from three months to a year before I was paged. I thanked them and then went home to look over the catalog with my wife.

My wife, Carol, hadn't been terribly supportive of the idea that I was going to be a Grim Reaper. The months since Bill died she and I argued about it quite a bit. But I knew that I could make a positive difference to the act of dying. If only she had seen what he'd gone through. Once I completed the application and the tests she seemed to have resigned herself to it. I can be quite stubborn.

When I got home I showed her the pamphlets and the catalog and I asked her to help me think of a name and image to set me apart from the other reapers. When we first met she was going to college working toward a degree in design. I was a business major. We had a whirlwind romance that ended with us getting married before we graduated and having our first child shortly thereafter. After our second child was born four years later she pretty much gave up on her dreams and settled for her reality. Once she had the catalog in her hand and heard what I was hoping for it was like a switch was thrown. All of her creativity seemed to come flooding back and it was all I could do to keep up with her.

Eventually we settled on the look you see before you. Interesting, but not intimidating. That was the goal. Then it was time for more waiting. Since the day-to-day living expenses were covered under my budget I had a lot of time to just sit and think. Eight months had passed since I left the IRS building and Summer had rolled around. The kids were off from school and everyone wanted to get away for a vacation. I guess all of my sitting around waiting for the beeper to go off had been getting to them. The kids really wanted to go to the Magic Kingdom and Carol thought it would be a lot of fun. Help get me out of the funk I was in. Have you ever been to Disney World?

M: No. I never have. Is it nice?

TJR: Yes, but it's large. The kids loved it though. It got to the point where we couldn't keep up. They were going through the Haunted Mansion for the third time or so and Carol and I were sitting on a bench resting when it happened. The beeper went off. It was an amazing thing. To Carol it sounded like any other beeper. To me it seemed like church bells were going off in my head. Not painful, but impossible to ignore. I looked at the number then looked at Carol. She had a mixed expression on her face. Excitement and concern.

"Are you going to do it?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said, "I'll be right back. I have to call the number for the details."

"I hope it's not too far," she said as I looked for a phone. I was dazed. I had spent so much time waiting for this moment and suddenly it had come. I found a phone, made the call and then went back to Carol. She looked at me with expectant eyes.

"Well?" she asked as I sat down next to her.

"Knock-Knock," I said.

She looked at me puzzled, "Who's there?"

I took her hand, kissed it and said, "Death."

She collapsed in my arms.

That was the final test, and the cost of my franchise. I had to take the soul of someone I loved.

... to be continued ...

Oh my GOD! It's Tuesday!

And I've got nothing. Again, I wanted to add to the Interview with TJR, but I'm just too busy to get it written today. I don't even have time to answer a few more "unanswerables". For what it's worth, barring any cataclysmic event, the very next post will be the long and patiently awaited 4th part of the interview. It just won't be today. Sorry.

Monday, August 01, 2005

I was going to...

continue The Interview With The Jolly Reaper today, but then something else came up that might be more effective at getting my brain to work better on this Monday afternoon.

Here's the gist of it. BoingBoing linked to a page on Snopes where they've posted "Unanswerables". And I decided that I would answer them. Sound fun? I hope so. I will say that I am not claiming to offer a truthful answer and if you actually treat my answers as true and then do something stupid to hurt yourself or the people around you then it's not my fault. No tag backs.

Also, since there are so many questions I'll be breaking it into two or more posts, so if you like it you will have something to look forward to. And if you don't you have something to dread. I also hope that Snopes doesn't get angry at me for borrowing the questions for my own (and your) enjoyment. I will say this; Snopes is a fantastic source of information on Urban Legends. Use 'em.

Here I go:

Snopes' "Unanswerables" as answered by Collin

Q: Is there any truth that if you choke on the candy Peeps, that it hardens in your throat and even with the heimlich maneuver you can't be saved and you die? Let us know.

A: Not only is it true, it's in the slogan: "Peeps – We're here to kill you."
Q: My younger sis heard: in order for a cologne/perfume/fragrance to be compatible to one's body chemistry, spray a sample and then lick it. If the taste stings the tongue, it is not suitable; no sting — it's a good match.

Please advise before I test the handful of colognes I've been using!

A: Almost correct, except instead of licking it you can just spray it directly on your tongue. When you find the one that doesn't sting, you've found your optimum scent. Remember to cleanse your palate between sprays or you might receive a false negative. I've found that I smell best with Butter Flavored Pam. Test away buddy!

A: A needle should do it, but be careful. Keep a steady hand and touch your eye as little as possible. Take your time. Don't just dig at it. If you have been at it for about a half hour and you just can't lift the edge you can try poking a small hole through the center if it's a soft lens, but I really suggest you leave that as a last resort.
Q: Has anyone had to cut off their tongue because it frozen to a flagpole?

A: No. Not a flagpole. A truck bumper, yes. But that wasn't so much cut off as pulled out.

A: Yes. You should only allow wet pigeon poo into your eyes. And as long as we are on the subject of dried manure, if you get dried horse manure in your nose it will cause you to go cowboy.
Q: Hi, I just wanted to ask if you could investigate this urban legend. 16 is the age of consent for having sex with someone over 18.

A: This isn't so much an urban legend as it is a question of law. I suggest you ask a cop. And, while you are at it, show him your porn collection. He'll be more than happy to help. It's why he's there.
Q: Does urinating on a lemon tree make it grow quicker/better?

A: Not really, but it might seem quicker and you'll feel better. Just be sure that it's your lemon tree.
Q: I just read a blurb that pre-packaged foods can cause people to turn gay because of too much estrogen. If I was only allowed one question for snopes, I would ask if this is true. Is it?

A: No, it won't turn you gay. It'll make you grow boobies. It's entirely up to you who you let touch them after that point. And remember, if you let a guy touch your Swanson's boobies it still doesn't mean that you are gay. You might just be drunk.
Q: Does the color pink really make a person feel weaker?

A: Only if you are a member of a fundamentalist religion and it's being worn by a man inside of cuddling range.

A: I'm sorry to burst your bubble. All episodes of "Mudder She Wrote" were filmed on the lot of Buckskin Joe's near Canon City, Colorado. All of the ocean and lush vegetation shots were done using models and stock photography. The lobsters were chihuahuas in costumes.
Q: If someone was too eat a huge clump of wasabi paste..Could they choke to death from being unable to breath?

A: Yes. Most people who choke to death do so because they are unable to breath. Hence the name "choked to death".
Q: They say that if a person has a pet cat and dies, if the person's body is not found fairly soon after death, the cat, having not been fed, will become ravenously hungry and eat the dead person's face off — JUST the face!

Is this true? My cat often looks me in the face. I used to think he was just being friendly. Now I know he's just sizing me up, like a chef at a butcher shop, waiting for "the big day". Since hearing this rumor, every time my cat licks his chops it gives me the willies!

A: It's not true. They will also chew off fingertips and toes, assuming they can get your gloves and shoes off. And it is very ill advised to die in the nude. If you are a cat owner, which I see you are, and you feel yourself suddenly dying you should do your best to either open a door or window to the outside, or fall on the cat(s).

More to come... eventually.

Pardon the language.

You know. The "F" word. As in "Fucking Hell! I just found out from the home site's message board that fucking Showtime canceled 'Dead Like Me'! Fuckers!" etc.

Sorry about that, but this really, really pisses me off. No, I never watched it on Showtime, but for what it's worth I rarely watch any TV series while it's airing. I get what I like on DVD*. Heather gave me the first season of DLM as a birthday present and I bought the second season a couple weeks ago as soon as I saw it on the shelf.

So now 'Dead Like Me' joins 'Freaks & Geeks' and 'Miracles' as another show that I loved that is now over unless someone with the power pulls their head out of their butt and revives it before the actors move on. I can't even determine if they filmed a third season or not. It looks like they might have done half of it.


Something of substance from me still to come. I just wanted to share my annoyance.

* Let's see, off the top of my head: King of the Hill, The Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, Dilbert, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Invader Zim, Ren & Stimpy Show, Harvy Birdman, Sealab 2021, Beavis & Butthead, South Park, Rex the Runt, CSI, Columbo, MST3K, Monk, Twilight Zone, Ultraviolet, Freaks & Geeks, The Avengers, Highlander, X-Files, Danger 50,000 Volts!, Only Fools & Horses, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Kids in the Hall, The Thin Blue Line, The Young Ones, Bottom, The Office, Secret Agent, Oz, Black Adder, Red Dwarf, Father Ted, League of Gentlemen, Mr. Show, Reno 911, Chappelle's Show, Three's Company, That 70's Show, Quantum Leap, Malcolm in the Middle, Married With Children, Soap, Strangers With Candy, The Prisoner, Band of Brothers... I know there are more that I'm forgetting. I like TV, I just like it better on my schedule (I know, I need tivo). Yes, a lot of the shows I have are finished or cancelled, but a lot of them were also given an ending when their time was done. It sucks having something end without a resolution, especially after only one or two seasons.

Happy Happy Monday.

Apparently zombies swarmed San Francisco this past weekend.

It's finished, but still cool. This would be fun to do in Denver. Heh. "Things to do in Denver When You're Undead."

I'll try to have something of substance later in the day. I hope you all had a relaxing weekend. Heather and I saw three movies, finished watching the second season of 'Dead Like Me', dealt with a cashier that was so dense that he could have probably benefitted from having a sign dangling in front of him reminding him to breathe, and lost in Derek's Poker Tournament of Fun and Goodies.

The movies: The Devil's Rejects, Wedding Crashers, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2nd viewing). Devil's Rejects was gruesome, well filmed and well acted. Wedding Crashers was incredibly funny ("Are they built for speed or comfort?"). Charlie was just as good the second time around. I will make an effort to own all three. We still need to see Batman Begins.

Dead Like Me - season 2: Absolutely fantastic. If you haven't checked this out you really should. Some of the funniest writing I've seen in a TV show in ages and all of the actors do a wonderful job. It's a shame it's on Showtime since I don't subscribe to any premium cable channels. I want more dammit!

Idiot cashier: Heather wrote all about the incident here. Nothing much to add except that drugs are bad, m'kay? This was the same Wendy's where I ordered through the drive up a few years back, drove around to pick up my food and the first thing the window monkey says to me is, "Sup?" Their hiring standards haven't changed.

Poker: I'm keeping the streak alive! Three times in and three times out. I'm thinking that I really should do some practicing of this here "Poker" thingie. Someone at work was talking about a game that might help me out. It's called "Poker" something or other. Sounds good to me.

An aside, Blogger seems to have finally fixed its post counter. This is 477 for me. My Junk Drawer has over 800, but it's junk. Heh. Still, it's good to get an idea of how much I've been babbling.
"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."