Monday, December 11, 2006

Stick it where the sun shines.

I was behind a car this morning and, as usual, I was reading the bumper stickers. I find it fascinating what some people like to put on their cars and share with the world behind them. I don't have any, but that's because I don't like to share. Don't believe me? How many times have I posted in the last month? See?

There were only three on this car. One was for the band "Tool", the second was too tiny for me to read – even at a stoplight – and the last one read, "It's a nice day. Please don't f#ck it up!"

I thought to myself, "That might be put to better use if it was stuck on the driver's sun visor." And that made me laugh.

However I started wondering if there was a market for visor stickers. Or, perhaps better because it doesn't rely on the sun, dashboard stickers. I thought that could be quite handy for some people. Have a low-tac sticker that could be replaced as needed and used as a reminder for forgetful drivers.

"Got your wallet?" I can count the number of times I've driven off without my wallet on one hand, but that doesn't mean I enjoyed it. Especially when lunch time rolled around and I'm forced to eat whatever I can find in my desk drawers. Six month old Cheetos! Yum!

"Get milk." Or bread, or condoms. Bullets. Whatever. Perhaps have a sheet of stickers to stick to the sticker depending on what you need to remember that day. For those with really specialized needs; a sheet of letters and a pocket dictionary. Nothing would be more embarrassing than having someone look in your car and see that you've misspelled "hemorrhoid cream".

"Signal, dumbass!" Now, this one is probably not something people would use for themselves. I'm pretty sure that those who don't signal on a regular basis aren't forgetting. They're just dicks. So THIS sticker would have to be printed on the sticky side and could just be slapped across a serial offender's windshield in a parking lot or during a stop in traffic as needed.

"Your child is in the back seat." Some parents just need to be reminded. Especially in the summer or if they are in a hurry.

"You aren't driving, so shut up." This one would go on the passenger's visor or on the back of the front seat headrests, as needed.

"Slow it down, zippy!" This one would have to be court ordered. And if you were pulled over again and didn't have it, the cop would be allowed to flick you in the forehead while you recited the alphabet backward. In a Russian accent. Why not?

"Change your oil" I need this one.

"Are you wearing clean underwear?" Your mom wants you to have this one.

And that's all I can think of right now. If you can think of any, feel free to add them to the comments. And have yourself a wonderful week whether you want to or not.

4 comments:

Prof. Noriaki Kakyouin said...

Some I just thought of:

* As a matter of fact, you do NOT own the road.

* Watch who you flip off... that person may have a bad day and a gun.

* Calm down. This is Colorado. You won't get there any faster by honking.

* Slow down in the school zones, JACKASS!

Heather said...

"Hang up the fucking phone!" That's what I want slapped on some people's windows at stoplights!

That is all I can think of. You took all the good ones.

Rayne said...

Heather beat me to it. I was going to say, "Hang up the phone, jackass!"
Your's are fantastic. Well done.

Debra said...

"[...]to flick you in the forehead while you recited the alphabet backward. In a Russian accent."

hahaha What exactly does a Russian accent sound like? Does it sound anything like my very bad German accent?

Wait. Coming form me, of course it does! All my accents sound the same. They sound weird.

"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."