Tuesday, May 30, 2006

People, who hate people...

Some days when people get on my nerves I can't let go and I'm left seething for hours afterward. This appears to be one of those days. Well, at least with one incident on the way in to work. I don't know if it'll continue throughout the day.

So what was the incident? It was another driver, of course. I was getting on I-25 from Garden of the Gods and I was on the inside lane of the two turning lanes. At the top of the hill the lanes merge together before entering the highway, so whoever is on the outside lane must rely on a hole to get over, or drop back. Most people seem to know how this works, and ideally it will work like a zipper. Some days aren't ideal, especially if there is a large truck in either of the lanes, as there was today. This time the large truck was in the outside lane and I was a a few cars back from him. I'd already decided that I was going to fall back a bit and let him and one or two cars behind him over because at the time I was in a friendly, non-confrontational mood. The light changed and we got going, all was well, the truck was able to move over by the top of the hill and the two cars behind him got in just fine as well. The problem was with the third car – a red Suzuki Sidekick. She wouldn't fall back, even though her front bumper was on line with my passenger door. She came within a few inches of smacking me before finally yielding and dropping in behind me, but not before forcing me as far to the left side as I could go without actually running me up the embankment and into highway traffic. And then, once she's behind me, I see in my mirror that she is cussing up a storm and gesturing like she's suffering from mad cow disease. That flipped a switch in my head that has yet to flip back, and the following rage is for her:

YOU FUCKING CRAZY, STUPID ASS BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU ARE ENTITLED TO CUT ME OFF? YOU WEREN'T AHEAD OF ME! DO YOU FEEL THAT JUST BECAUSE I LET THAT BIG ASS TRUCK AND TWO OTHER CARS FROM YOUR LANE OVER THAT MEANS I'M THE GOD-DAMNED DOORMAN OF THE ROAD? YOU FEEL THAT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO MERGE IN FRONT OF ME TOO? IT'S ONE CAR DIFFERENCE AND FOR THAT YOU ARE GOING TO TRY TO MAKE ME WRECK AND GET ANGRY WHEN I DON'T? THE GUY BEHIND ME WAS GIVING YOU PLENTY OF MERGING ROOM! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ACT LIKE A FUCKING ENRAGED LOONIE JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T YIELD TO YOU AS WELL! I HOPE YOUR SUZUKI FLIPS AND BURNS!

Sorry about that, but not half as sorry that I am that she'll never likely read it.

That helped though. There's something to be said for shouting into the void.

Now, to end on a less enraged note, here's a plate of spam with a side of commentary:

From: Freida Rodgers (tlaatsch@amendmentxxi.com) Interestingly enough, Amendment 21 was the amendment that ended prohibition. And "tlaatsch" is the sound a liver makes when it dies.
Subject: Re: Ah yes, the ever popular "Re:" subject. It used to say "I must know this person, or else how could they be 're'ing me?" Now it says "I know you don't know me so now I will delete you." Me? I look at them because I KNOW they're spam and it might be spam I can make fun of.
Date: May 27, 2006 3:19:25 PM MDT
To: Collin That's me! Hi mom!

Need some love pi11s? That is so l33t of you to notice. So, why go to your local dr@gstore? Dragstore? I suppose if you squint and are stupid "@" could look like "u", but I find that "ü" works much better and it makes the reader feel like a rock star. "Drügstore." See? Can you feel the rock? Me too! Why waste time and extra money? Why? Because the dragstore sells all the slinky things of course and it always costs extra money to look extra pretty. Why let people know about your intimate life? Mostly for the look that crosses their faces when I reach the part about the whips and JELL-O*. Evil-wishers are always around to spread rumors. Evil-wishers are just plain lazy. If they had any degree of ambition they would stop being evil-wishers, get off their asses and become evil-doers. Do it for the children. The evil children.
We give you the issue! The fuck you say! Make a quick, secure and ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENTIAL purchase online and receive your LICENSED love life enhancer right to your door! ... What? A hooker? Not just ANY hooker! A hooker with a badge! Double-ho-69, LICENSED to thrill! No privacy exposure, no time wasted, no exorbitant pri$es! You are so stupid it makes my brain whimper. "pri$es"? Who the hell – l33t or not – substitutes a "$" for a "c"? Pri¢es, price$ or pri¢e$ you idiot! Damn. If you are going to try to be a scam artist, at least show some pride in your work! Start a super life now! Super duper super life.

Our store is VERIFIED BY BBB! I've heard that Billy Bo Bob is all kinds of discerning. All transactions are APPROVED BY VISA! "A hooker? Well of course! I am Visa, and I approve this transaction."
----
*Just kidding mom, Heather's mom, Heather's dad, Derek and the rest of our families. No whips. No JELL-O. No midgets in cages under the bed. Etc.

8 comments:

The Retropolitan said...

I once got spam from a sender curiously named "Carrot Top." Seriously. I was going to save it for posterity, but then I decided that I wanted neither an unsolicited spam email, nor a letter from Carrot Top.

Squatchyk said...

I hate people who feel entitled and then scream at you because you don't let them in. Glad to hear I'm not the only one with an occasional road rage issue!

Pat Angello said...

Nothing can ruin your day like bastard drivers. Maybe you should have gotten out of your car and flipped hers yourself. I mean, it is a Sidekick, right?

Derek Knight said...

what, though, do YOU have to lose? Just sideswipe 'em and run 'em into the guardrail!

I mean, are you the ONLY teal Kia on the road? Who's gonna catch you?

Heather said...

"Doorman of the road." Ohhhh, that's damned funny. You know I would have been enraged as all hell if that had been me! Poor Collin.

TXArtcGal said...

You are too funny!...

I'm sure you have heard this joke...but, its worth repeating:

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.

Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal items.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian Fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."

Andy K said...

No problems here. Las Vegas drivers are so polite and courteous.

Sea Angel said...

...And that kind of people is the reason why I don't drive anymore.
_______________
So funny your "re:" to the re-spam.

"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."