Tuesday, May 30, 2006

People, who hate people...

Some days when people get on my nerves I can't let go and I'm left seething for hours afterward. This appears to be one of those days. Well, at least with one incident on the way in to work. I don't know if it'll continue throughout the day.

So what was the incident? It was another driver, of course. I was getting on I-25 from Garden of the Gods and I was on the inside lane of the two turning lanes. At the top of the hill the lanes merge together before entering the highway, so whoever is on the outside lane must rely on a hole to get over, or drop back. Most people seem to know how this works, and ideally it will work like a zipper. Some days aren't ideal, especially if there is a large truck in either of the lanes, as there was today. This time the large truck was in the outside lane and I was a a few cars back from him. I'd already decided that I was going to fall back a bit and let him and one or two cars behind him over because at the time I was in a friendly, non-confrontational mood. The light changed and we got going, all was well, the truck was able to move over by the top of the hill and the two cars behind him got in just fine as well. The problem was with the third car – a red Suzuki Sidekick. She wouldn't fall back, even though her front bumper was on line with my passenger door. She came within a few inches of smacking me before finally yielding and dropping in behind me, but not before forcing me as far to the left side as I could go without actually running me up the embankment and into highway traffic. And then, once she's behind me, I see in my mirror that she is cussing up a storm and gesturing like she's suffering from mad cow disease. That flipped a switch in my head that has yet to flip back, and the following rage is for her:

YOU FUCKING CRAZY, STUPID ASS BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU ARE ENTITLED TO CUT ME OFF? YOU WEREN'T AHEAD OF ME! DO YOU FEEL THAT JUST BECAUSE I LET THAT BIG ASS TRUCK AND TWO OTHER CARS FROM YOUR LANE OVER THAT MEANS I'M THE GOD-DAMNED DOORMAN OF THE ROAD? YOU FEEL THAT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO MERGE IN FRONT OF ME TOO? IT'S ONE CAR DIFFERENCE AND FOR THAT YOU ARE GOING TO TRY TO MAKE ME WRECK AND GET ANGRY WHEN I DON'T? THE GUY BEHIND ME WAS GIVING YOU PLENTY OF MERGING ROOM! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ACT LIKE A FUCKING ENRAGED LOONIE JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T YIELD TO YOU AS WELL! I HOPE YOUR SUZUKI FLIPS AND BURNS!

Sorry about that, but not half as sorry that I am that she'll never likely read it.

That helped though. There's something to be said for shouting into the void.

Now, to end on a less enraged note, here's a plate of spam with a side of commentary:

From: Freida Rodgers (tlaatsch@amendmentxxi.com) Interestingly enough, Amendment 21 was the amendment that ended prohibition. And "tlaatsch" is the sound a liver makes when it dies.
Subject: Re: Ah yes, the ever popular "Re:" subject. It used to say "I must know this person, or else how could they be 're'ing me?" Now it says "I know you don't know me so now I will delete you." Me? I look at them because I KNOW they're spam and it might be spam I can make fun of.
Date: May 27, 2006 3:19:25 PM MDT
To: Collin That's me! Hi mom!

Need some love pi11s? That is so l33t of you to notice. So, why go to your local dr@gstore? Dragstore? I suppose if you squint and are stupid "@" could look like "u", but I find that "ü" works much better and it makes the reader feel like a rock star. "Drügstore." See? Can you feel the rock? Me too! Why waste time and extra money? Why? Because the dragstore sells all the slinky things of course and it always costs extra money to look extra pretty. Why let people know about your intimate life? Mostly for the look that crosses their faces when I reach the part about the whips and JELL-O*. Evil-wishers are always around to spread rumors. Evil-wishers are just plain lazy. If they had any degree of ambition they would stop being evil-wishers, get off their asses and become evil-doers. Do it for the children. The evil children.
We give you the issue! The fuck you say! Make a quick, secure and ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENTIAL purchase online and receive your LICENSED love life enhancer right to your door! ... What? A hooker? Not just ANY hooker! A hooker with a badge! Double-ho-69, LICENSED to thrill! No privacy exposure, no time wasted, no exorbitant pri$es! You are so stupid it makes my brain whimper. "pri$es"? Who the hell – l33t or not – substitutes a "$" for a "c"? Pri¢es, price$ or pri¢e$ you idiot! Damn. If you are going to try to be a scam artist, at least show some pride in your work! Start a super life now! Super duper super life.

Our store is VERIFIED BY BBB! I've heard that Billy Bo Bob is all kinds of discerning. All transactions are APPROVED BY VISA! "A hooker? Well of course! I am Visa, and I approve this transaction."
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*Just kidding mom, Heather's mom, Heather's dad, Derek and the rest of our families. No whips. No JELL-O. No midgets in cages under the bed. Etc.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Seen...

on the drive home yesterday:

A license plate that read "069-MRT."

I pity tha' fool.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

IF: "Sorry"

Wow. Almost didn't get this one done in time. I had a backup image (that I'm including as well) just in case my original idea didn't work out. But, here it is, done by Thursday:



I had to rush the chain saw, so I'm not entirely happy with it.

Quite a few years back I pretty much only drew nudes, and the following was one of them, slightly modified. There are still some things I like about it. The wings, boots and cowl, mainly. While I don't regret all the time I spent on nudes back then – so to speak – it's kind of awkward showing them off at parties or to the clergy.



Have a great weekend everyone.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Illustration Friday: "Angels & Devils"

Two for you this week. One old, one new. I'll start with the new:



And the old is something that I made a few months back when I was fed up with seeing magnetic "Support..." ribbons EVERYWHERE. This was one of (I think) six that I made before getting bored with it:



And that will do it. As always, feedback is appreciated.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Last post...

... was my 666th post. If I'd been paying more attention I would have made it a "better" one. Oh well.

Monday, May 08, 2006

IF "Fat"

The next Illustration Friday theme will likely be "Ugly" and then "Yo Mama". For now it's "Fat". I was stumped for a bit. I mean, "Fat". How many directions can you take that and still be amusing yet potentially disgusting? For me there was really only one way.

Before I show off this bit'o weekly "artwork" let me say I've been on both sides of the scale and currently reside on the heavy side so I'm not poking fun; I'm HAVING fun.

That said, here it is:


clickable for a slight size increase.


Once again, no build steps as it was more of a "make it up as I go" illustration.

I didn't use any kind of photo reference for the innards of the human body and it probably shows. I just thought back real hard to the Visible Man model I had as a child and winged it. Accuracy be damned. Also, both sets of eyes are exactly the same – I just copied the layer and rotated it – yet the top eyes seem so much smaller. Funny how that works.

AND, as long as I'm posting stuff of an arty and weekly nature, here's my entry for the Photoshop Challenge that Trisha runs:



I spent very little time on this one, so that's why it's not that awesome. Still, I look forward to the next challenge.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Pork chops, pork chops, pork chops, penis.

I just got penile enhancement spam from "Jesus Price". I wonder if he's Vincent's younger, holier, hornier, still creepy but in a different way, brother?

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

IF - "Under the Sea"

Like all of God's creatures, Illustration Friday once again returns to the sea. You would think that with access to what must be hundreds of idea submission they receive each week they could choose a theme that is not almost exactly the same as a theme they used a few months back. At least I would think that. Oh well.

At first I was very miffed and devoid of ideas, so I thought it would be funny to post the bottom half of my original IF "Sea" drawing:



But I hated to just be funny. Still without ideas, I figured if nothing else I could add the drawing that I made for Heather a couple years ago around when we first started dating. It's sea related and a lot of the people who visit here from IF probably haven't seen it before



Just remember: it's mighty cold under the sea.

Fortunately, I found the time to create something new as well. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to mark the various steps. Also, since I didn't know where I was going with it when I started, it would have been kinda hard to document. That's right. I sat down with a blank screen and nothing in my mind beyond "It has to be something under the sea and it's already Tuesday", and I eventually came up with this:



Not necessarily original, but well executed (if I say so myself)(... and I do). What are your thoughts?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Breaking news!

My boots... broke. I knew when I got them that I should stay away from zippers, but they are so gosh-darn convenient when you are tired in the morning. Or at night. Or anytime you need them on or off in a hurry. Until the zipper breaks. I guess I will have to add shoe shopping to my list of "things to do" this weekend. Goodbye Harley boots; I loveded you.

Weekly Photoshop Challenge

For more info about the challenge, click here.

Here goes:



Digging through our PhotoDiscs I found this photo and decided these fellows needed a bit of drama on their hike. Problem was, the drama had to come from behind and there wasn't much room...



... so I made some room by expanding the canvas, copying a portion of the photo from in front of them and pasting it on a new layer behind them...



... then I used a layer mask and a soft brush to hide the seam. That should be enough room for the drama. Now, why did I bother with that if I'll be knocking out the background later? Because I didn't understand what was wanted at first. I was tired and slow of mind. After looking at what others had done I realized I was on the wrong track.



"The drama"



Add "the drama" in silhouette form.



Then to make it fit the desired theme, I droped out the background, added iPods and fitting (in many ways) text.

And that completes my first entry for TXArtcGal's Photoshop Challenge.

Monday, May 01, 2006

It's a shpadoinkle Monday!

Okay, fine, the spammers win. I've turned on word verification for the comments even though I hate it. It's an impediment to casual commenting, but it also seems to be pretty good at stopping all those people that want me to buy things for my willy and check out their fascinating refinancing "blogs". So, to everyone who leaves comments, I'm sorry. I hope you don't stop.

---

Speaking of spam:

It's a special kind of day when you open up your email and are greeted by this:



Twice.

Now my observations:

---
Bad grammar, obviously. "And I show you...". May as well have added "You love me long time sailor boy! Five dollah nookie!"
---
I've never considered calling "that" the rabbit hole. I will say this: if he reaches the bottom you'll be in for some pain 'cause Viagra doesn't make "it" any longer, just more durable. Also, don't stuff rabbits in there.
---
For some reason* that last thought brought to my mind the 'Rocky and Bullwinkle' cartoon. Specifically the magic trick segment.

B: "Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"

R: "Again?"

B: "Nuthin' up my sleeve, and... Presto!"

Baby: "Whaaaaaa!"

B: (shove) "Wrong hat."

It's probably a lot funnier in my head. And horribly more explicit. If you want a close approximation of what I'm thinking, picture Bullwinkle behind the Britney statue (you know the one) and she's the hat. Now tell me, isn't THAT an image you want trapped in your head?
---

And there you go. I'll have "Under the Sea" IF post at some point between now and Friday, even if I have to use old stuff. Have a good week.

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* I'm sick in the head.
"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."