Friday, May 21, 2004

A Rolling Donut.

Okay. The whole "lead a cop down a dark alley into a waiting burlap bag" plan didn't quite work as I had intended. The donut trail worked like a charm though. I only had to wait about an hour before a silhouette appeared at the mouth of the alley. He approached cautiously, almost timidly, glancing around as he gathered in the donuts. I could tell by his sizable bulk that I had a keeper. And that I should have brought a wheelbarrow. Oops. Oh well, what could I do? I tightened my grip on the club and raised it over my head as he drew near.

The closer he got, the larger I realized he was. This wasn't just a mere traffic cop that I had lured in, it was easily a desk sergeant. Perhaps even a chief! When he was down to the last donut I knew I would never be able to fit him in the bag, even if I was able to render him unconscious. But I had committed myself.

In my inexperience I had chosen a dead end alley, and he would see me at any moment. I knew there was no way I would be able to take him down. My only chance would be to stun him long enough to slip past and make a break for the safety of the street.

As he rose from picking up the last donut I brought the club down in a two handed smash! But he must have heard my ragged breathing or somehow smelled my fear. He moved with a speed that belied his massive bulk and dodged aside so that my strike merely glanced off his right arm, scattering the gathered donuts the length of the alley. He let out a bellowing, "WHATHAFUCK!" that was filled with a mixture of rage, pain and surprise. I dropped my club and ran for all I was worth.

Unfortunately for me, I'm fat and out of shape, so I'm really not worth much. I only made it to within ten feet of the street before I was bent over, panting and wheezing, feeling as though my heart was about to pop. I couldn't make it another step and I heard the bull cop closing in behind me. It was over for me. The last thing I saw before being pummeled to death was a lone donut rolling out of the alley.

Be safe little rolling donut. At least one of us made it.

No comments:

"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."