Monday, May 10, 2004

The Weekend is Over...

so now it's time to post. However, the weekend wasn't apparently enough of a break for me to have recovered from the previous week. Or year. Or however the hell long I've been feeling like this. Right now I feel as though I never left work. I even dreamed last night about building ads all night long. One of those dreams where everything keeps shifting around and I feel as though it would be easier to tickle a shadow than get something finished ("I swear I just changed that info box!"). A dream that makes me WISH it was one of those naked in public dreams instead. Basically, a stress induced dream.

It's times like this that I feel schizophrenic. Through one mindset I can look at the situation and see that it really isn't that much worse now than it's ever been, and there have even been times in the past when it WAS worse. That would be the submissive mindset at this point however. The dominant mindset is the one that feels constantly like everything is crumbling around me. My shoulders start to tense up from the moment I wake up and stay that way all day. I react poorly to almost any situation that I find myself in. And I know that I am doing it, I just can't seem to stop.

I also know that this is something that cycles, so if I can hold out long enough I will be fine. But it's hard to hold out. I felt an almost overwhelming urge to walk out earlier for something that shouldn't have even phased me, and yet that knowledge doesn't make the feeling go away. To be honest it's still there, hovering beneath the surface waiting for it's chance to emerge again. The good news is that I am not a violent person, so if I do break down and walk out, it won't be over the smoking bodies of my coworkers.

So. Happy Monday all. Here we go again.

No comments:

"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."