Monday, August 30, 2004

Well.

I'm back. I guess. Let's see... funny... funny... hmmm.

Well, this is kind of funny. My brother Trevor had some free movie passes and he insisted we go see "Alien Vs. Predator" last night. I tried everything I could to talk him into seeing something, ANYTHING else. Rotten Tomatoes has it ranked at 21% rotten. I had also read Mr. Negative's review of the movie and made Trevor read it as well before we left for the theater. Nothing I did would change his mind.

After we got the tickets and went inside we still had about 3o minutes to kill, so we wandered around looking at the posters for upcoming movies, discussing how even the worst of them would probably be better than what we were about to see, and I was contemplating ducking into nearly any other movie.

I was seriously pissed when I saw that they were also showing "Hero" (95%!). We HAVE to see that next weekend.

I was amused, however to see that they were doubling up "Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement" (30%) with "Exorcist: The Beginning" (10%). A better paring might have been "Exorcist" with "The Passion of the Christ" though. Just a thought.

The only time I was able to shake his confidence in seeing AvP was after we had fought our way through the crowds and found some seats way in the back (Sarcasm. There were two other people in the theater when we finally sat down. Although they DID manage to sit in the row that I prefer. Bastards.) Trevor was saying that it couldn't be as bad as they are saying, because it's Aliens! And Predators! I reminded him of how he had rented and watched "Battlefield Earth". And then I grinned. But then he went on an inane tangent about how I still had to watch that as well so I could share in his suffering, to which I replied, "Um. No. Sorry."

During the slideshow and shit-music section of the evening that always precedes the commercials and previews the same slide ran twice and I told Trevor that it was a hiccup in the Matrix. They had rewritten the program and now we were trapped in there. All exits are blocked. We were doomed. He was amused. Then the movie started.

Okay, not really. The commercials started. The first was that stupid cell phone ad where the idiots are singing. And the second was that REALLY irritating Mazda ad where all these mid-20's people (of various genders and race, but mostly white) who are doing fun, expensive yuppie shit get a cell phone/pager buzz (zoom-vroom-boom) that calls them all away from the fun to go do happy donuts in the desert. Yeah. I hate that one. Seen it twice. Want to meet the guy who thought of it and kick him hard in the goodies. There may have been another commercial before the previews started, but if so I missed it through my blinding hatred of Mazda's ad agency.

Oh...wait. There WAS another commercial. It was so bad my mind tried to erase all memory of it. It was for Coke C2. It was a worse ad than the last Coke C2 ad I saw (at the movies). In this one there are a bunch of my generation of people and older doing REALLY stupid shit out of sheer joy for a cola product. Why is it that the mid-20's all get to have expensive fun and do donuts while the mid-30's just get to flop around and twitch like electrified retards? At WORK no less! Those kids get to slack and we STILL have to work while we look stupid! I take offense to that. It makes me not want to try their product just out of spite. So. Um. There! I hope the same person came up with both this ad and the Mazda ad. It will save me some kicking and travel time.

Then the previews came on. Some were good, some were not. It's all a blur. Then the movie started.

I'm not going to recap the movie. Let's just say it wasn't eye shredding bad. It had a fair number of plot holes and dialog issues, but the fight scenes were done quite well and the humans dropped like flies. Except for that one that didn't die. Oh, she SHOULD have died. Especially with the tagline "No matter who wins, we lose!" Lying fuckers. I will say that I would be willing to watch this movie any time over "Alien 3" again. But then I would almost be willing to watch "Frogs" again over "Alien 3".

And it has almost worked up my courage to rent and see "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" (1%... that's right. 1%). If I ever do, I'll let you know how that goes.

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"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."