Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Hollywood Is Calling

Hollywood Is Calling



Two in a row! I'll try not to make this a regular thing, but at least it's a post, right?

What can I say about this one? Holy cow. They've provided memberships! I'm going to let a portion of their FAQ speak for me:
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Q: How is Hollywood Is Calling able to get celebrities to participate in this service at such affordable prices?

A: The vast majority of our celebrities are not motivated by financial reasons when it comes to this project. Their extraordinary achievements have made them tremendously popular all across the globe and they believe that our patented new service is a great way for them to stay in touch with their growing fan base. It's also a lot of fun.
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To which I say, "Kato Kaelin". True, he may not be in that vast majority that they speak of, but still. HE'S THERE!

I found this to be odd:
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Q: What if I accidentally pick up the phone when it rings and it's the celebrity

A: If you pick it up the phone the celebrity will still give you the message but they cannot wait while you turn the answering machine on or run to get the person the message is intended for. The call will automatically terminate in less than 30 seconds

Q: Can I put the celebrity on hold while I get the person I bought the call for

A: No. The call will automatically end less than 30 seconds after it begins so we strongly recommend that you leave your machine on, or if you happen to answer the phone, that you simply chat with the celebrity for the allocated time before the call automatically ends
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'the Hell? What if the celebrity is still talking after 30 seconds? Say it's Leon Spinks or something. It could take him 30 seconds to say four words. I don't think you are getting your money's worth in that case.
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Q: How long does it take for the celebrity to call

A: The celebrity may call minutes after you place your order or they may call approximately 7 days later. It's entirely up to them and their schedules. They may call at any time day or night because they live in various time zones so it's important for you to make certain the answering machine is always on
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All I can picture is Kato sitting by the phone, waiting to be called into action. His fingers occasionally reaching out over the receiver and flickering in anticipation. A bed pan by his side. A mini-fridge in easy reach. Time zones be DAMNED! His fans demand it!

And here is the list of call types you can request as well as the limitations on custom messages:
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Customized Message - $29.95
Customized Romance Special - $29.95
Call Just To Say Hello - $19.95 (NEW)
Encouraging Motivational Call - $19.95 (NEW)
Merry Christmas - $19.95
Happy Birthday - $19.95
Tell My Wife I Love Her - $19.95 (NEW)
Tell My Girlfriend I Love Her - $19.95 (NEW)
Tell My Husband I Love Him - $19.95 (NEW)
Tell My Boyfriend I Love Him - $19.95 (NEW)
Congratulations On Getting Married - $19.95 (NEW)
Thank You For Your Business - $19.95 (NEW)
Thank You For The Job Interview - $19.95 (NEW)
Have A Nice Day - $19.95 (NEW)
Happy Anniversary - $19.95
Happy Easter - $19.95
April Fools - $19.95
Congratulations On Being Employee Of The Month - $19.95
Happy Marital Engagement - $19.95
I Miss You Very Much - $19.95 (NEW)
Happy Graduation - $19.95
Congratulations On Having A Baby - $19.95 (NEW)
Happy Retirement - $19.95
Happy Sweetest Day - $19.95
Happy Fathers Day - $19.95
Happy Mothers Day - $19.95
Happy Hanukkah - $19.95 (NEW)
Congratulations On A Great Report Card - $19.95 (NEW)
Happy Thanksgiving - $19.95
Happy Valentines Day - $19.95
Happy New Year - $19.95
Happy Halloween - $19.95
Get Well Soon - $19.95
Invitation To A Date - $19.95 (NEW)
Marriage Proposal - $19.95 (NEW)

Q: Can I have the celebrity leave any kind of message I request

A: No. In order to be approved the message must be brief, polite, in good taste and civil.
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I'm wondering how the "April Fools" one works... "Hi! This is Kato Kaelin hoping you're having a fantastic April Fools Day! No. It's really me! No joke! Seriously! Stop laughing dammit!"

And those limitations eliminate having him call O.J.'s kids and offering a condolence message, "Hi! This is Kato Kaelin and I'm really sorry your mother's killer escaped justice! Whoever he is!"

I also should mention that the same couple of questions appear multiple times in the FAQ. I guess either they get asked this a lot, or it's for people who really aren't paying enough attention. Hah.

I do like the rewording of this one though:
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Q: What time of day do the celebrities usually call

A: Given the fact that our celebrities are scattered in different time zones all over the world when they travel, they may call you at any time of day or night. Consequently, it is important to leave your answering machine on at all times
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I just like the thought of scattering celebrities across time zones. I wonder if they use a special "Celebrity Displacement Cannon". Launch them into the stratosphere with a pre-paid cell phone and wherever they come to rest, there they are!

They also have an electronic newsletter (notification of when new celebrities join) and a VIP room that is an empty forum. Totally empty.

I hope they eventually have Adam West available. That would almost be worth $19.95.

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