Friday, December 10, 2004

Bugger this for a lark. I'm off!

One of Jenn's recent posts reminded me of a similar incident that happened with me when I was a child.

My mom had placed me in this thing called "Kindergarten" and after about two weeks or so I'd had enough.

I was spending my days at a baby sitter's house at the time* and it was a very short walk from there to my Elementary School, so once the sitter was sure I knew where I needed to go I was allowed to walk myself. Those were the days, eh?

Kindergarten had started to become a drag, what with the whole instructions on brushing your teeth, playing nice with others and such, so one day while walking to school I wondered if the cement block filled culvert that was nearby would be a more interesting place to spend my time. So I tried it out, and damned if it wasn't!

In the culvert there were all those big blocks to climb around on, sandbars to dig around in and all manner of things that had washed up against the blocks when it had rained. If I recall right there was even a shopping cart!

At school there were rules and teachers and annoying kids that always wanted what I was playing with. Where's the fun in that?

"That's it," I said to myself. "No more school for me."

And every morning for the next several days I would leave the sitter's house, walk toward school and then detour into the culvert where I would spend the day playing to my heart's content. Then, when I heard the bell go off that indicated school was done I would brush myself off, gather up my stuff, go back to the sitter and wait for my mom to come pick me up.

I think this lasted for about three days or so.

On the final day of my self liberation I happened to look up from playing on the blocks and saw my mom furiously bearing down on me with murder in her eyes. I screamed and ran! She ran after me yelling at me to "Stop right there mister! Don't make me chase you!"

I ducked and dodged my way around the cement blocks while thinking to myself, "Well that's just great! Now I'm going to have to run away, because I don't dare let her catch me after this!" But it was no use. She was pretty nimble for an adult and snagged me at one point where my zag should have been a zig.

She hauled me up to the car by the ear (I think) while alternating between telling me how much she wanted to ring my neck and being relieved that I was safe ("First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow."). She explained to me that what I was doing was "very dangerous and what would you do if you fell and got hurt? What then?" Of course my answer to that was, "That would NEVER happen mom! I'm an excellent climber!" The immortality of stupid youth.

I asked her how she knew I wasn't going to school. It never occurred to me that they would call her after I hadn't shown up for several days and they hadn't heard anything. I figured there were enough other kids there, they weren't likely to miss me. Apparently I was wrong.

I can't really recall everything that was said, or what happened after that point. Somehow she must have convinced me to return to school because I graduated 12 years later. But I never really did take to it.

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* I don't remember much about this sitter. Other than the fact that she had a very creepy sad-clown painting in her bedroom, and she had a little wiener dog the bit my ear open one day. Also, it was there that I first taught myself how to tie my shoes. That's right. Taught myself. When I showed her I recall that she patted me on the head and said, "That's nice. Now go see if you can do it again."

1 comment:

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Regards

"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."