Friday, December 03, 2004

I'm SO honored.

This is a bumper sticker I saw the other morning on the way in to work:

"Every Student is an Honored Student at Rockrimmon Elementary"

And it started me wondering as I tend to do on my 30-40 minute drive in since I don't have a radio in my car.

Who would put that sticker on their car? Perhaps a parent who's child is "less" than exceptional and wants it known that their school still honors little Billy Dimbulb and considers him every bit as good as the brighter children. Or that it will fool the neighbors into thinking that Billy is an Honor student and a misunderstood genius instead of a thug larvae.

And is this something that the driver actually had to go into the school and pick up (or even worse; purchase) or was one stapled to each child some random Friday before they were sent home?

Assuming that time was invested by the parent, what does this tell Billy (if he's paying attention I mean)? "Let's face it son, you won't be bringing home one of those 'My Child is an Honor Student at..." stickers any time soon – Heck! Ever! – unless you beat up a smart kid and steal one and the bumper on the Dodge is just screaming out the need for some parental bragging verbiage, so I just decided to take matters into my own hands. Son. Son... Would you please stop licking the wall and tell me that you still love me."

And assuming that it was given out free with each child purchased what kind of person would actually affix it to the car? Not everything sticky that comes home from your kid's school needs to be stuck to your bumper. If you were worried about upsetting your marginal child's fragile ego there are ways of deflecting that. Say, "Instead of putting it on our car where we will almost never see it, let's stick it to the fridge with a magnet so we can see it any time we want, because really, how often do we see the back of the car?"

I'll tell you what that bumper sticker says to me. It says that the faculty at Rockrimmon Elementary has buckled under the pressure of the Parents of Idiotic Children coalition and announced to everyone that there are no longer bad children nor good children at their school. Only children, and who are we to judge? We love them all so much! Stop suing us! Here's a sticker.

Feh.

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