About me:

(My answers to an email)

1. What time is it?
Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? (About the tiiiiime...)

2. Name as it appears on birth certificate?
Which one? On the most recent it is Collin Travis Burton. On the earlier ones it isn't. I'm a man of mystery. Yep.

3. What is your nickname?
I flat out refuse to name my nick. What's the point? It doesn't come when I call.

4. How many candles on your last cake?
If I had a candle, I'd a candle in the morning. I'd a candle in the evening. All over this caaaake! Um. Sorry. 36. I really should know better by now.

5. Pets?
No thanks, I'm full. I had a muffin.

6. Natural Hair?
Versus my unnatural, Satan infused hair? Just kidding. It's all natural, baby! And if you meant "Natural Hair Color?" that would be red. Naturally.

7. Piercings:
My left ear at one point, but the hole closed over. Oh, and my knee when I rammed it on that nail in the fence. That closed over too though.

8. Eye color:
Green/Grey/Blue. And when I'm really tired or evil they turn red.

9. Hometown:
That's where I was born. Yep. MmmHmmm.

10. Town/City you live in:
Colorado Springs is the place that I call Town/City! It's like a home to meeeee.

11. Favorite food:
Eat the homeless! Eat the whales! Eat the world! yumyumyum...

12. Ever been to Australia?
Why? Are they talking about me there? Those Aussie bastards! (shaking fist in a continent menacing manner. grrrr!)

13. Ever been toilet papering?
In Australia? Who hasn't?! Oh, wait, no.

14. Been in a car accident?
Yes, three times. It was lovely. Been to Australia? I hear it's toilet papery.

15. Love someone so much it made you cry?
Yes. Now as a matter of fact. Well, I don't mean I'm crying now. But I do love this someone that much.

16. Croutons or bacon bits?
I have to chooooose?! Hmmm... Croutons. And Ranch. With a side of pets. And a smattering of homeless whales. That's good eatin'!

17. Favorite day of the week:
Payday. Every other day costs me money.

18. Favorite restaurants:
Macaroni Grill (the asiago sauce is to die for), Red Robin (the seasoned fries are to die for), Rudy's (the Ray's favorite is to die for) and Fulchi's (the zombies are to die from).

19. Favorite flower:
Snapdragons. They are sweet! They are the only flower I know of that can look smug.

20. Favorite sport to watch:
Sex. Or hockey. And there's no hockey this year, so I guess I'll have to watch a whole lot more sex. "He shoots! He scoooores! Do you believe in miracles?!"

21. Favorite drink:
That whiskey we had at work yesterday was pretty good. But a nice root beer shake wouldn't have made me as dizzy.

22. Favorite ice cream:
Variations of chocolate. Oh yeah! And this time of year there is a very tasty pumpkin pie ice cream. Yummy!

23. Disney or Warner Bros?
Whichever will hire me. I know, I'm a whore. I like Disney's animated movies more than Warner Bros., but I like Warner's TV cartoons better than Disney's. It's a web of evil.

24. Favorite fast food restaurant:
Is there really such a thing as "favorite" fast food restaurant? That's usually the meal of last resort. If I were to claim the most frequented last resort as my favorite I guess it would be Subway.

25. What color is your bedroom carpet?
Various shades of kool-aid.

26. How many times did you fail your drivers test?
None. Money talks. If that doesn't work it's best to pull a gun. They respect that in a potential driver. It shows you take driving seriously.

27. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email?
Someone claiming to be Jesus selling discount software and medication. He wanted to save me money and my soul. Very persuasive, but I just couldn't trust him. He had shifty "i"s.

28. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Hahahahahaha! Already THERE baby! Whoooo! It's a good thing they don't have debtor's prisons anymore.

29. What do you do most often when you are bored?

30. What is your bedtime?
I have no bedtime! I'm my own master, by GOD! But I usually fall asleep around midnight, give or take an hour.

31. Who will respond to this email quickest?
Since I am putting this on the web for the whole world to see this is difficult to guess. Let's see.... I'll bet Pablo will. We're tight.

32. Who is the person you send this to that is least likely to respond?
That guy that died after reading this. Poor guy. I hardly knew him. I expect everyone else to respond. Optimistic or delirious? You decide! (and try not to be that dead guy)

33. Favorite TV shows?
Invader Zim, Black Adder, Freaks & Geeks, CSI, 24, hike!

34. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Heather, my kids and Jesus. He's always with me. Never pays the check though. Claims He doesn't carry cash since He has no pockets.

35. Ford or Chevy?
Let's see... Gerald Ford or Chevy Chase... Ford was funny, but Chevy was funnier. Until recently that is. Still, given my options I have to go with Chevy.

36. What is your favorite color?
Green. Followed by burgandy. But not together. That would be nasty.

37. What do you think question #37 was?
"What is your quest?"

38. Steak or chicken?
If I'm fighting off vampires I would choose steaks. And for clowns, chickens. Or bullets. It's a lot easier to take down a clown than a vampire. Especially if they are still in the car and your shots have good grouping. I hope I never meet a vampire clown though. ("Steak or chicken? Steak or chicken? FUCK!")

39. How many tattoos do you have?
So many I had to go get a new skin. Or none. Let's go with none. I have some that I designed though. If someone puts one of my tattoos on their skin does it count toward my total?

40. Time you finished this email?
It IS about time I finished this, isn't it?

Directions: Copy this email and change the answers to match your own responses to the questions. Then send this to as many people as you would like to share with who won't get pissed at you for doing so, including the person that sent it to you. Especially the person who sent it to you. If you send it to NOBODY else, send it to that person! I mean it! If you don't they will plot against you! They will hurt you in your sleep! You have been warned. WoooOOOoooOOOOOoooooooooooo....


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