Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Wouldn't you know...

I'd decided to stop posting the spam that I get after that last one because it almost never generates comments (although, come to think of it, nothing else really does either), therefor I assume that it doesn't interest anyone. I guess I understand it, since one spam is pretty much like another and we ALL get spammed. Derek gets a daily buttload of spam. Daily.

But once in awhile a piece of spam comes across that seems new and fresh in its approach or even just funny. I just wasn't expecting one so soon. I've had to retype it since the spammy bit is an image file, although the text included to try to slip it past spam filters* was quite amusing as well.


Here it is with my comments in red:

From: correctness@ctoa.com (but it listed the "From" as "Refreshed A. Rightness" on the mail list, a solid Christian name if ever I read one)
Subject: SPAM-HIGH: Wakey wakey! (Eggs and bakey!)
Date: January 8, 2005 7:21:17 AM MST
To: collin@grahamcenter.com

Good evening, (this bit was text)

Dear Friend,

If you would like to make love with one (or more) women who are almost crazy to have sex with you, this will be the most exciting message you will ever read.

(Are you kidding? They would be almost crazy not to! And is that "(or more)" at one time?! Good golly, this IS exciting! Possibly the MOST EXCITING thingie whatsit.)

Here is why.

(Do tell! My heart is racing from the excitement! And to keep my blood pumping so I don't die, of course. But mainly excitement!)

Julie Paris (no relation to that other young woman named Paris) is a lesbian who lives in Miami Beach, Florida. (Good thing you cleared that up. I would hate to confuse a nice, wholesome lesbian living on the edge in Miami Beach with a vapid slut.) Actually, she is bi-sexual... (Did you think about this before you sat down to write? Next thing you'll be telling me is she's ambisexual. Good with either sex on either hand.) but... she hardly ever "wastes her time" with men. (Um. We seem to be off topic. Excitement waning.) That's because (according to her) (says you) most men just don't have a clue about how to satisfy a woman in bed. (Professor Tongue in the Labia with the Clitoris.)

For years, Julie has studied chemistry and its biological effect on women. (She spent years smoking weed and luring women to her room to help her "research"..."Trust me, I'm a scientist!") She is responsible for creating many of the top cosmetic products in the entire world. (Like "Cold Cream" and... um... "Q-Tips". And that thing that makes your eyelashes curl. Bean farts**.) But now, she has created a product called "Fire Play" (I hope this isn't just lighting the bean farts.) that makes almost all women...

Instantly Horny! (Oh it's not! It's so not! Lighting off bean farts never "makes almost all women... Instantly Horny!" My excitement has returned and it is stronger than EVER! Whooboy. Feel the burn.)

Click here to learn more about this product! (Don't bother clicking there since I didn't link it.)

And here is the bonus spam filter dodging text:

Leh mu muBe smart, be intelligent and be informed.
One should eat to live, not live to eat. I am not an adventurer by choice but by fate.To desire is to obtain to aspire is to achieve.

There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket. The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.
Attention to health is life greatest hindrance. I never said all actors are cattle, what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.
Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.Power is so characteristically calm, that calmness in itself has the aspect of strength.

Hypocrisy is the homage that vice pays to virtue.Where one man reads the Bible, a hundred read you and me.
Win or lose, do it fairly. It makes sense that there is no sense without God.

True dignity is never gained by place, and never lost when honors are withdrawn.
---
IF Julie Paris is real and IF she really has made a product that will do all this says, then I apologize for my flippant comments. HAHAhahaHAHA! heh. Anyway. I'll not share anymore spam for awhile.

---
*Even with the text added it still registered on our system as "SPAM-HIGH"

**Sorry about that. I don't know what came over me. For what it's worth a search of "Julie Paris Cosmetics" on Google turned up nothing relevant. BUT "Julie Paris Cosmetic" turned up THIS site. Very interesting and offering great insight into the hearts and minds of evil men.

I especially love this quote:
"Plus, I also think after you read this website, you will realize... without any question whatsoever... that when it comes to writing website copy (or any other kind of copy) I am truly the "800 pound guerrilla" who can walk through the valley with no fear of competition whatsoever."

Would this perhaps be the valley of Suck? How are you at writing carbon copy? I'll stop now since, according to his main page, he's quite litigious and jealous of his "newsletters" being used without God-knows-what:

"Don't even think about reproducing and/or selling... even one sentence... of these letters in any form whatsoever. They are all copyrighted and, if you do rip them off, I guarantee you will have a "legal experience" so unpleasant... it will give you nightmares forever!"

So there you people go. I'm risking nightmares forever to entertain you. I hope you're happy.

No comments:

"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."