Friday, March 23, 2007

SpamSpamSpam

It's been awhile since I've done anything with the spam that used to flood my inbox. As you can tell if you have stopped by Spam-A-Palooza lately. I say "used to flood my inbox" because our IT guys have managed to shut the flow down to a trickle. That's great and all, but it makes material scarce. Luckily I've been holding on to quite a few for quite awhile, just waiting for the posting urge to strike. It has struck, in a tiny way. I will now give you a few morsels of spam. My comments, as usual, in red.

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From: Ketty Kloecker
Subject: Don't pass by for god sake. Render assistance, you heartless bastard!
Date: March 21, 2007 6:14:53 PM MDT
To: collin

Hi
Something attractive are occur with SCPT, did you saw I did saw! I did! It so attractive! Make me horny! So horny! .02 x.04 ? You betcha. .02 x.04 worth of horny!
I think we need to buy it before it reach 0.06 mark. Do you? Are you sure? That's .02 more horny if we wait! Let's wait! Let the horny build and build!

LOOK at statistic. Do I gotta? I'm busy letting the horny build! Sigh. Fine.

Last Trade: 0.04
Change: Up 0.02 (81.82%)
Prev Close: 0.02
Volume: 5,421,146 Now, I'm no money guru, but wouldn't an increase from .02 to .04 equal a 100% increase? *Ahem* I mean 'Statistic make me horny even more!' So much volume! So attractive!

But do not tell me later thet i wasn't noticed you. I couldn't if I wanted to.

Truly Yours, Ketty If you are truly mine, can I sell you? I think that should be allowed. Apply you towards my student loans.

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Best spam title I've gotten lately: "Jennifer keeps the room warm."

Unfortunately, that's the only good thing about that one. No explanation how she does it. Nothing further is said of Jennifer. Just more babble about stocks I don't realize I want.

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From: nevil ambrosius (nanetecallie@qchiptechnologies.com)
Subject: Sir, your product works like no other. It does indeed. So you'll be buying a thirty then?
Date: March 20, 2007 9:23:05 PM MDT
To: antonina (collin@blahblahblah) WTF? Like I'm not going to know my own name? Who the hell is Antonina? Answer me Nevil Ambrosius, you prick!

Did you know that a recent survey showed that 85% of women actually get aroused by a man who produces "above average" semen amounts? Who does these surveys? Do they just hang around WalMart with a clipboard and a lewd expression? "Excuse me miss, does THIS much semen make you horny?" Produces a pint bottle full of teeny wigglers from behind his back. Notes reaction. Moves on. With our pills, she'll be speechless... They're mostly alum. Damned handy if the lady of the bedroom is a bit too chatty. and defiantly coming back for more... Give me what I want or I'll smack you into Tuesday!

Other than a link and filler text, that was it. The entire sales pitch. I'm left unconvinced.

Have a great weekend everyone!

3 comments:

Lou said...

I too had to rant about spam this week.

Don't you just feel violated sometimes?

Heather said...

I'm going to start calling you Antonina.

I love the idea of selling Ketty! Can I have some of the profits, pretty please?

Collin said...

Lou: I usually just feel bored. Occasionally amused.

Heather: Tell you what, anything I get for her over the balance of my student loans is yours :)

"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."