Monday, October 31, 2005

It's flat and rushed, but...


You just made my list.

Not you. The woman driving in front of me this weekend. She made the list of things that annoy me. As opposed to the "List of People Who Would Disappear If I Gained Absolute Power", although there's likely to be some overlap. I don't have an actual, written out "List of Annoyances". At least not until now. Now this woman is on my list. At the top of it in fact, until I add more. Which I will. Eventually. Here's the list so far:

---
The woman in the big ass, brand new SUV that slowed down for a speed bump more than I did in my 8-year old Kia. I mean, come on! Your land barge isn't made of porcelain and the bump isn't that large! Unless you are hauling something far more unstable than your children, I think you can manage that wee bump at a speed greater than 2 mph. While you're puttering along my tacos are getting cold, dammit!
---

More to come, I'm sure.


Bonus content:

The funniest thing my daughter said this weekend.



"I wish I was the first one to come out of mom!"

Friday, October 28, 2005

A Monkey Tribute Post

As some of you know, Monkey has been basically retired for some time now. To help keep the memory of the always funny Monkey alive until his promised return I've decided to start a major religion. Wait. No. I'm going to do a "Monkey Tribute Post". However instead of a bunch of random things as he tended to do, I'm going to stick with just one because I'm lazy and I'm not Monkey.

_________________________________________________________
Favorite confession from today's Grouphug:
"i am using J to get to his friend, K.
then once i get with K, it will make S jealous.
once S realizes my hottness, he will dump that slutty hoe bag C and get with me.
then maybe if i'm lucky i can have K and S at the same time because that family sure has hot genes.

yep. that's the master plan. "

(Trouble's a-brewing in my bowl of Alpha-Bits. I think it might be the work of a rogue Cheerio. - Collin)
_________________________________________________________

Hmmm...

On the way in to work I found a "street person" who looked like Jesus. I wonder if the Golden Palace Casino will buy him? I suppose it could have been a costume*, but the resemblance to all of those paintings that were done by people who never actually me the Man was uncanny. He was even more lifelike than the tree bark or wall mold Jesii.

---
* I hear that's the big thing on the streets these days. One "street person" dresses up as Jesus and then jumps about shouting "Look at me! I'm jumping Jesus!" until the tourists gather around to gawk. Then his associates wander among the crowd picking pockets and leaving behind little business cards that have a cross on them and read "Gotcha! Your Friend Jesus". Later, when the tourist goes for his wallet to pay for something kitschy for the folks back home, he pulls out the card, reads it and exclaims, "Hey! Jesus got me!" then everyone laughs. It's a hoot.**

** the addendum was longer than the post. I hate when that happens.

URGENT UPDATE!

I am, at this very moment, wearing both my new zombie peanut butter t-shirt AND my zombie CareLess band that Heather made for me. Plus I have a half decayed skull on my desk that I don't have a picture of. Indeed, it's a Halloweenie Friday.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Lunch

I joined the group of artists today for their weekly "Sushi Thursday" lunch. I was debating between the white chicken bowl and tacumoshosho*, something that was recommended by both Derek and Ray. I was still waffling back and forth between the two when the waitress came by to take our order. In the end the tacodoohickey** stuff won out. It was tasty. It consisted of breaded and fried pig meat with a side bowl of rice and a sauce that I'm reasonably sure starts with "k". The only problem I had with the meal is the same problem I always have when there's too much of one flavor in any meal. I get tired of it by the end. Still, it filled me up.

Now, on to the interesting bit. I'll bet you didn't know there was an interesting bit. Well hah! There is! Around the end of our meals we were being harassed by a fly. One single, stinking fly. With all of the restaurant to travel around it was consistently buzzing our table and being a nuisance. It was a Leguizamo fly. Derek suggested that I pull a Miyagi move and catch it with my chopsticks. I reminded him that earlier he was pointing out that he would be able to kill me with his chopsticks much easier than I would be able to kill him with mine, so logically he was the one that needed to go Miyagi on the fly. Yeah, it was that kind of lunch.

So the fly kept buzzing us and we were all trying to ward it away from our food and drinks. Finally, the wee bastard managed to land on my glass and poke its wiggly fly head into my straw. I said, "well, that's the last I'll be having of that" and swung my hand its way to try to shoo it toward Derek's drink. Instead it did a side barrel roll and landed on the inside of my glass, so I slapped my hand over the top and it was trapped. But now I was stuck with my hand over the top of my glass, feeling the nasty thing tickling my palm. My glass didn't have enough liquid in it for me to drown it in a Coke hurricane so I looked around the table for an alternative solution. I noticed that the base of my rice bowl looked like it would fit nicely in the mouth of the glass. So I slid the straw out of the glass, and in a move that would have made Harrison Ford proud, I swapped my hand with the rice bowl. I still couldn't do the Coke hurricane though because the bowl was still half full of rice and it would have gone everywhere... unless I covered the rice bowl with one of the sauce bowls... mmm. no.

However, now there was a different problem: what to do with the fly when it was time to go? Should I lift the lid and give it the freedom to resume annoying the other customers? Or just leave it that way for the waitress to find when she cleared off the table? It would be bad enough that she would have thought I was "one of those" customers that do nasty or stupid things with the table leavings, but when she lifted the bowl and had a fly pop out in her face... well, let's just say I wouldn't be remembered fondly. Especially if it flew into her eye and began feasting on her mucus membrane as they tend to do.

I decided that I would tell her about the trapped fly when I went to the register to pay my bill, and then settled in to watch it do laps around the rim of the glass where it met the bowl until everyone else was finished.

When I went up to pay, however, I noticed that the sushi chef had come around and was helping bus the tables. Setting a fly on an unsuspecting waitress would have been bad enough, but a sushi chef? No good would come of that. He had knives.

I quickly went back to the table since he missed the bowl/cup prison tower on the first pass, picked it up, walked to the door to the restaurant and let it go outside. At least it didn't fly back into the restaurant when I closed the door. I was amazed that nothing was said by any of the staff.

And that's how I spent my lunch.

---
* not the real name.
** still not the real name.

Parody Design

Some of you might be offended by this and I want it to be known up front that I have nothing against PETA. They put naked women in cages out in public and I can respect that.

Still.

When I saw this design:



it spoke to me and what it said was "I need you to make fun of me!" Kind of a Wonderfalls moment, really.

I held off as long as I could. Seriously. I first saw it a few weeks ago. But the voices win. They always win. So here it is:



Since they have theirs on a thong I figure I should put mine on boxers.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Yesterday

... I had the almost overwhelming urge to put up a post that read:

----
That's it.
.
.
I quit.
-----

Why? Eh. Who knows. Most bloggers seem to go through that every once in a while. Some more than others. Some quit. Some take extended breaks. I decided that I would do a bit of revamping. "A change is as good as a rest." To be honest I'd become mighty sick of looking at my site. It probably started way back when I changed my header, but over time that change wasn't enough. We'll see if this is enough.

Currently I'm reworking my "assload" of links, since they all got cleared out when I changed templates. I'm trying to make the list a bit slimmer. It's not a good sign when you links extend between three and seven pages past your last visible post. It's tacky.

As you can see the two main categories of links so far are "They Link Me" and "They Link Me Not". If you find yourself missing from "They Link Me", and you do in fact link to me, leave me a comment here and I'll add you to the list. The same goes for anyone who might be on the "They Link Me Not" list when you really belong among the cool kids in the better and far more popular* "They Link Me" list.

*With me at least.

That leads me to comments. I've disabled HaloScan and will only enable commenting through Blogger on certain posts. Again, you may be wondering why. When I told Derek why he laughed at me. Dick. Anyhow, the reason I've disabled comments for the most part is because I love to get comments. Stay with me now; it should make sense shortly. I am a comment junkie. Sometimes I'll put up a post with great anticipation of reading what my visitors would have to add to it, only to get somewhere between none and one. It's depressing. So, by eliminating the possibility of comments I should eliminate that depression. Stupid, huh? Anyhow, I figure it's worth a shot, and if I'm not writing in a misguided attempt to generate comments, I might start to come up with more interesting posts. We can certainly hope.

For the time being, in the posts that will have comments open, I've turned word verification off because, even though it seems to work, it's annoying to have to mess with as a commenter. I'll leave it off until I start to get a lot of useless spam.

That's all for now. Back to link weeding.

Turn and face the strange.

Changes.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

My Blog Worth

Just to let everyone know, the repenting is going along swimmingly. Between sessions of confessions I found this at boingboing. I went ahead and tried it out and this was the result:


My blog is worth $18,065.28.
How much is your blog worth?



In many ways this is sad. My blog, my leetle imaginary spot on the interwebthingie, is apparently worth more than my student loans and credit cards combined. Heck, it's even worth more than everything in my apartment, excluding the children but including the fish and frogs. However I'm nowhere near the $9 meeeeelion that boingboing is worth, so there is room for improvement.

Be sure if you give it a shot that you click on "take the test again".

Now, back to the repenting. It's not a good sign if your priest starts to drink the blood of Christ straight from the bottle, is it?

Monday, October 24, 2005

Cue the Choir.

Sure, it looks good, but will it stop a vampire?

To really make it perfect it needs a little Jesus attached to the cap like a pen clip wearing His own little iPod. Pressing His feet would trigger the play/pause button and light up His eyes. Yes, I'm probably going to a hot place some day. Not Florida.

On a tangent, is there any word not in Welsh that is pronounced any less like it looks than "choir"? Kwyer vs. choerr. Change one letter and you have "chair". Heck, I've looked at it so long now that it's taken on that non-word quality that happens when you... um... look at a word too long.

Look at that. Three posts in one day. I may take tomorrow off. Perhaps do a bit of repenting.

This Just In

I was on my way upstairs to buy a soda from the machine in the break room at lunch. In our lobby by the stairs we have a multi-tiered water fountain. It's one of those things that accumulates coins at some point during the day. I have no idea if the coins were tossed in by actual people or if they were seeded there by management in an attempt to boost profits. Regardless, there's coins in that there fountain.

This time there was also a toddler in that there fountain. Well, from the elbow down at least. He was around three years old and he was coin fishing. What's more, his mother was right there with him, chuckling and cooing at him , "Awwww. You're going to get wet. Yes you are!"

That's my idea of bad parenting.

Not only was she encouraging her child to take money that wasn't his, when he finally had a penny in his pudgy mitt she followed up with, "Now, make a wish and throw it back in."

Maybe it's me but that's just wrong. It goes against the whole spirit of making a wish on a coin. It's not as though you can go in to a bank, walk up to a teller and say, "Could you pass me some coins? I've got some wishes that need wishing. You'll get them right back."

Seriously. What the Hell is she thinking? Lady. Crack open your own wallet and give your kid a penny. You might avoid looking like an idiot and your child might avoid learning that it pleases mommy to engage in petty theft.

The impression I had as I rounded the top of the stairs was that the wee little coin snatcher wasn't too keen on tossing back his shiny. Mamma had to extend his hand out over the fountain and apply pressure to get him to drop it. I'm betting he wished she would make up her damned mind.

Time sure flies

I hope everyone had a wonderful last four days. True to my word I goofed off for the most part. I didn't even think about my site until last night and the thought was, "Well, now what?"

Now this, I suppose. How about a random thought post? That's always fun, I'm sure.

Let's see...
-
We had a mandatory semi-annual 401k meeting this morning that I was 15 minutes late for. Judging from the glazed expressions on the people about the room as I ninja'd my way in, I'd already missed oodles of wonderful information that would have guided me to a future full of riches rather than burger flipping. Darn. I did manage to take away the impression that I might be well served to invest in 419, and possibly the lottery.
-
I actually had a reason for being late today. I stopped off at my dentist on the way in to pay the $100 that my insurance didn't cover and get a receipt so I could be reimbursed blah blah blah. I mentioned to my dentist that the tooth that was filled is very sensitive and he made me stick around for an "adjustment". I hadn't planned on that. I was hoping the answer would be "give it a bit of time and it'll be fine". But no. Soonish I found myself in THE CHAIR with him poking at my tooth. He then shaved the filling down in a couple of spots that didn't seem to be aligning right and told me to let them know if that didn't fix it. Apparently, even though it was a minor amount that it was off, the repetitive pressure on those spots had bruised my tooth over time and if I'd left it untreated eventually my mouth would have exploded. So, yay.
-
When Heather came over last night we watched some of the Bronco game until she had to go to work. At one point when the Broncos were still doing well the camera panned over the crowd and one woman was jumping up and down and clapping her hands because the opposing team (the Giants, I think: look at me showing off my manliness.) were doing something spiffy at the time. I said to Heather, "They're her little dumplings." and that amused me for a bit.
-
There was much movie watching this weekend. We saw 'Stay'. It was an interesting film, however I had a reasonable idea of how it would end by the middle. It reminded me of another movie I'd seen but won't mention the title of because I want Heather to see it and I don't want the end of that film spoiled. Or this one for that matter. The only annoying thing is the trailer made the film look like it would be creepy and it wasn't. I hate when that happens.
-
The other film we saw was 'Wallace & Grommit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit'. That was very enjoyable. A veritable onion of funny. Just as it was starting to feel a little bit overlong it got fun again. Well worth seeing. It really sucks that Aardman's storage unit burned down.
-
I bought the new game 'Stubbs the Zombie' for the XBox. Surprise! First off, very fun. It's so satisfying to creep up behind a cop who is firing at other members of your undead hoard, hoist him up by his armpits and take a big bite out of his melon. It might get old after awhile, but give it a day off and it'll be fun again. Now the downsides: Too short. I beat it the same day I started playing it. That's rare. Annoying controls. You have to remain still and facing your zombies to be able to call them to you because it uses the same button that you push to bite heads. It should have been mapped to the black or white button instead. Too linear. I was really hoping for something along the lines of Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Edition. Instead you have a linear level progression and no randomness to your enemies. Obviously this is due to it being made on the Halo engine rather than the GTA3 engine. Hopefully someone at Rockstar North will push for a zombie themed game at some point. In the end, however, I don't regret getting it because it was fun while it lasted. If you like zombies and have an XBox you might want to give it a rent to see if it's for you.
-
That's probably enough for a Monday. I hope everyone has a good week. I may – may I say – give another go at one of the creative things I've done in the past. Possible a PoE cartoon. It's been awhile since I've visited them.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

It's Friday!

No, really, this time it is!

For me at least.

I'm taking off tomorrow to take delivery of my new (rental) washer & dryer. Yeah, I know, renting is stupid. In my defense it's not through Rent-A-Center and it works out to $1 a day. In one week at my complex's laundry room I spend $6.75 so that means I'll be paying an extra 25¢ a week for the convenience of being able to wash what I want when I want. It's worth it for now.

I'm also taking off the REAL Friday because I realized that I wanted to. Awesome, huh?

"Does this mean that you are going to work on something awesome for your admittedly pathetic-as-of-late site?" you ask. Of course not! I'm going to get my laundry caught up, do a little house cleaning and organizing and then goof off like a crazy person. You just KNOW that crazy people goof off. They have to. They even get special clothing because of it. With buckles. Shiny, shiny buckles.


Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Heheh.

B², formerly of "Trout Fishing in South Central Wisconsin" down in my music blog link list has apparently changed his site over to "What!". I just found this out because his link-through appeared in my sporadic "Referring Web Pages" thingie and I followed it back. I've enjoyed his sense of humor from the first time I read his original site and it's good to see that he's doing something again. I got particular enjoyment out of his "Powered by Anger" tag at the bottom of the page. Awesome.

Standing in line.

So I was standing in line the other night at Little Caesar's Pizza, picking up dinner for the kids and me.

"Line" consisted of me and the woman in front of me.

As luck would have it, rather than ordering one of the ready-to-go $5 cheese or pepperoni pizzas, she had a custom order. I could tell that she was making it up as she went along – "Do you have...mmm... cumquats? How about jujubees? Styrofoam?" – so it was taking absolutely forever.

Okay, she didn't really ask for cumquats, jujubees or styrofoam, but honestly, she was dithering far more than is acceptable by me when I'm hungry and in a hurry.

So I'm standing behind Ms. Indecisive, and I realize I'm tapping my foot in annoyance. I say to myself, "No, self. This isn't the way. Just relax. She's not being slow on purpose and it's not doing any good to get annoyed." and then, for the life of me I don't know where this came from, I thought, "She's probably someone's little dumpling."

What?!

The thought was so unexpected – darn you sneaky brain! – that I couldn't help but smile and my foot stopped tapping and everything.

An hour or so later when it was my turn to order I was done and out the door in less time than it took the dumpling to decide on one topping.

My point? There's no point that I know of. Except, perhaps, when you're being annoyed by someone try to picture them as someone's little dumpling. Just be sure to stop the thought there before it can cause mental harm and anguish.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Monday.

I'm learning as I'm leaving comments around at the various sites I visit that I'm feeling amazingly antisocial today. Everything I'm writing feels like it's falling flat and I would be better off just staying as mute as possible for the day. For at LEAST the day.

I hope your Monday is going well.

Friday, October 14, 2005

My Care-Less Band.

As I mentioned in the post that I removed because it was annoying me, my girlfriend Heather made a Care-Less band for me in the style of Matthew over at Defective Yeti. I thought it was cute and it certainly suits me:





It'll go well with my zombie peanut butter costume.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

It's Friday! Yayyyyyy!

Oh. It's not? It's Thursday? DAMMIT!

Fine.

Here are a couple of quick sketches I made of an idea that's been tweaking the spongy bit of my inner noggin since Tuesday. I was on my way to have my mouth tortured for an hour and was running a bit behind. While not in a patient mood I ran into one of these two situations. I'll leave it to you to guess which one. Click them and they will grow magically before your very eyes! OoooOOoooo.






For those of you who may be interested... more Zombie fun:

Land of the Dead is being released to DVD next Tuesday in rated and unrated versions. Guess which one I'll be getting.

Undead, the Oz made zombie flick came out last Tuesday. I've still not seen it, but I will. Oh yes, I will.

Stubbs the Zombie, a game made for the XBox, PC and Macintosh using the Halo engine, is also due out on the 18th. I'm betting on a delay of some sort simply because I really want that game.

Let's see... anything else of zombie note. Oh yeah, David Wellington, the guy who has been giving away his great zombie stories online, has been offered a book deal. Details here. That's awesome and I'm going to certainly pick it up.

Speaking of zombie stories that are free, I've been working out the story progression for my own 'Zombie Blogger' for the past few weeks. Unfortunately, only in my head. I'll see if I'm able to actually sit down and put some words on the screen soon.

That should just about do it for this fine Friday morning. Thursday morning. Whatever.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Since I suck.

And I'm not doing anything special, creative, intelligent, awesome or even mediocre, I will once again shunt you over to Head Injury Theater to see Jared's crazy creativity in action on a recently completed project that I have way too many kids to try myself.

So please, enjoy "Jerome IS Special!" while I figure out just what it is that I do. Apart from suck.

Monday, October 10, 2005

A meme theme

From the Retropolitan.

To follow the meme properly, I'm supposed to stop at five, but I'm not gonna. I'm a rebel. Instead I'm doing to at least triple up because Collin really needs to fill up a Monday post.

According to Google, "Collin needs"...

... to get a life!!!
... to have an external fixator.
... to race to be whole again.
... to work fast.
... to take a sourpuss pill and lighten up!
... to pick up a trade and become part of the working class.
... prayer for eyes that are recovering from infection.
... to have some fake jokes.
... someone to watch his back.
... to stop putting things in my head.
... some prozac....remember his incident in Africa with the taxi driver?
... help building and maintaining lasting friendships that will be a positive influence on him as well as his friends.
... to open his gift from Aunt Carla and Uncle Gary first," Jon replied. "He’s being a butthead," Cathy contributed.
... a lot of support, and for me, the challenge with coaching is working with athletes like Collin and helping him grow.
... a very responsible Owner that will always love and take care of him. Cost: $40
... to get a blog, then I could read that too, though I don’t think he’s much into writing in a blog, emails, yes, I get them occassionally.
... to take some anger management classes and take a good look at himself.
... to work on a "diapers in the army" shoot ;).
... to be right.
... hair.
... to work on his mean look. He isn't as mean-looking as Jesse James.
... a power thingy, 12v.
... a shower he is starting to stink rotten. Hmm whats this ... a yellow bunny rabbit has come over to fight with collin.
... to be taken in an alley and taught a lesson.
... to shut up quickly.
... almost constant supervision. He is all boy and his attention span is like 4 seconds.
... a WOOWOO
... a Telling off!!!
... to put in some work roun here.
... to put more weight on before we can Start decreasing his feeds.
... to shut up and play!
... To be un grounded and you guys need To call me so we can All cheeeel:).
... to keep it rubber side Down
... mommy milk 'Cause he's hungry" it's cute.
... funds for his delapidated country estate.
... the money to pay off a scratching post that Catreece ordered online using his mom's credit card.
... a mullet to go with his Banjo... and mayhap we should call him jimmy Collin Wynne, But You gotta say it fast with a bit of a twang.
... to start kissing only girls, cause he's disturbing the rest of the hetero-youth.

And the winner for "most nonsensical" is:

... to talk to quin online because hes never on, or is quin never on so collin thinks quins never on and that he wont talk to collin.

Go ahead and ask Google what you need – be sure to put "your-name needs" in quotes – and have a great week.

Friday, October 07, 2005

More with the comics.

I'm gradually making my way through the comics of my youth and will once again be dipping into Moon Knight territory for post fodder.

Man, comics then were not at all like they are now. All the way through the entire book there was nary a near-bared boobie in sight. Unfortunately, there wasn't much of a plot either.

These panels come from MK issue #5 which was released in March of 1981. Those were the days. I was just finishing up my third Middle School at that time. I was an awkward, shy 13 year old goober. So much has changed. Hah.

Here's the cover of this week's issue:



And now on to a few select panels:


I really like this splash page. It shows potential. Unfortunately, it was potential that wouldn't be reached this issue. Dig the red windows. I recall wanting to do that to my house when I grew up. I still haven't though. Someday...


Apparently there was a bit of a communication difficulty between the colorist and the rest of the staff.


Twice. All I can say is that's the reddest green I've ever seen. Perhaps the colorists wasn't going to allow his art to be constrained by "the man". Oh, and "Frenchie" is the helicopter pilot. Yes, that blocky crescent shaped thing at the top of the panel is a helicopter. It's a "special" helicopter that has seen better panels. And Frenchie flies it. Surprisingly he was a big, blonde Swede. Hah. I'm kidding. He was an oily Frenchman and even sported a leetle black mustache, aviator cap and French tinted dialog. I guess they could have gone one step more toward the obvious and named him "Froggy".


See? Art. And don't be talkin' 'bout Ridditch's mama, beotch!


But the colorist isn't the only person to make mistakes this time around. Oh no. This time the penciler made the boo-boo with the tail of the second word balloon. Either that or Redditch is a line stealer in addition to being a crazy idiot mama's boy with an itchy trigger finger and a tooth gap to rival David Letterman.


And for today's last panel I give you this. Glubs are pretty stunning, but not as stunning as light on a gravestone.

I might have more next week, material permitting.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

How's about some observational humor?

You ever stop to wonder about the phrase, "You sure look sharp." or, "My you look smart."? I did, this morning while sitting on the bathroom floor after taking a shower and trying to decide if I really cared to go to work today. It was another of those things that just passes through my head, making a mess before leaving.

Those are dumb phrases. If someone says either of those to you, in the back of your mind do you think for a moment that the rest of what they would say if they were to keep talking would run along the lines of, "Normally you look down right retarded. Way to go, Sparky! Way to bump up your apparent IQ! Look! Your socks match and everything! Do a pirouette and let me see the rest of you... Damn you are indeed sharp today! You've even cut back on the drooling!"?

Sure, it probably wasn't actually meant that way, but if you are at all like me it still might get you wondering.

Einstein was a hell of a smart guy, but in every photo I've ever seen of him the last thing he looks is "sharp". Comfy, sure. Rumpled, perhaps. Even like the last bum off the cattle car at times. He was so smart he didn't care how he looked. Do you think anyone, ever, in his entire life, came up to him and said he looked smart? If they did I hope he just stared at them from behind that Einstein face until they got uncomfortable and left.

"Did your mom dress you today?" What kind of thing is this to say? Who's being insulted here? You or your mother? I think no matter how you slice it, it's your mother. The implication is that you are currently dressed like an imbecile, so who's fault is that? If your mother DID dress you and you look like an idiot, then obviously she's insane. If she didn't dress you, yet you still look like she did, then the person saying it must be familiar with her work and is telling you that you look like you've been dressed by a crazy woman. I think that you shouldn't spend any more time thinking it over and should just punch that person in the face. If he asks you why you did that just let out a shriek and punch him again. He should stop criticizing your clothes and insulting your mom in no time.

How about, "My, you sure clean up well"? You ever have that said to you? You probably have unless you "look sharp" on a daily basis or have yet to "clean up". The last time I heard that was at Derek's wedding. I was part of the wedding party and was dressed in a rented tux for the first time in my life. I must have heard that phrase from everyone that knew me from the days when I wasn't cleaned up well. Talk about a paranoia kick start. Essentially it says to me that I look much better in someone else's wardrobe. The fact that it's probably true doesn't help.

But really, what can I do? My skills at dressing myself peaked when I was finally able to match the proper piece of clothing to the proper body part. Socks to feet, pants to legs, shirt to torso, hat to head, to hell with the rest. Oh yeah, underwear inside the pants, big hole around the belly. Ta-da! Now I'm off to do things.

I never got around to the idea of matching the clothes to each other. Seriously. I'm warm. Leave me alone. My ex is big on making sure socks match for the kids, and for herself for that matter. I aim for similar shape, size and color and as few extra holes as possible. Grey can be similar to white if you squint.

To give you an idea of the type of clothing that I thought looked good as a child, my favorite shirt when I was (wait for it) nine-ish was a faded t-shirt that had a little cartoon penguin wearing a knit cap on it, sitting on a block of ice with the word "COOL" underneath. There you have it. My fashion roots. I wore that shirt OUT. And still I held on to the faded and tattered remains of it for at least a couple more years, folded up neatly in the bottom of my shirt drawer. At some point during my shattered childhood I lost track of it, but it's just as well. I would just be tempted to wear it and that would be not-sharp. So I've heard.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

For my next mini-post, a bit'o blasphemy!

Apparently this guy has been around the 'net for years. I seem to recall having seen this picture of his before, but it must have been out of the context of the rest of the site because I never saw THIS!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Jesus feeds babies to clowns!

Thanks to Jared's Head Injury Theater Blog for the link. He also linked to this site where someone has added alternate text to some of the pics and it's somewhat amusing.

My work here is done.

Stupidest Thing Heard At Work Today

While walking through the corridor I overheard:

"It's a good idea to get some good ideas."

...

Seasonal Face Lift

Not nearly as drastic as Derek's header change this year, but at least it's something, right?

Monday, October 03, 2005

Huh.

Well, so much for my ever doing anything with this idea.



Jared at headinjurytheater.com nailed it. Nothing I could add would make that any funnier. Even the colors are perfect. I would like this on a shirt.

He has a lot more as well. Check him out and enjoy his funny while I sit over here and lament my lack of same.

It's a Monday.

Also, to show that some brains are working quite well while some aren't – i.e. mine – Matthew Baldwin over at Defective Yeti has presented a wonderful take on the care bands that are everywhere these days. Read it here.

Once again, someone thinking quicker and better than I am these days.
"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."