Wednesday, November 30, 2005

News Flash!

Okay, not really "news" per se. Just, you know, stuff.

Awhile back I posted about how I was submitting artwork to possibly be used for a zombie chapbook being co-written by John Hubbard. Well, it's been printed and is available here: Wandering Flesh.

While my artwork didn't make the front cover due to the amount of time I took to finish, it did make the back cover and I'm told by the author that it looks quite good. I haven't read the book yet – I should have my copy before Christmas – so I have no idea as to the quality of the stories, but if you like zombie stories check it out.

From the co-author, John Hubbard himself (ATZ link):

"It features 4 all new scenario based Zombie short stories, 2 Undead poems, and 3 pieces of gruesome artwork. At approximately 70 pages, it is very long for a chapbook and well worth the $6.50. I should know because along with Ron Shiflet, I wrote it!

I will personally refund your $6.50 if you think it sucks, and you return me an undamaged copy, with a receipt. Please give it a shot!!!"

And no, I don't make a commission or royalties on any copies sold. I just think it would be cool if it sold well.

Well, look at that.

Ed Gein wasn't a psychopath after all. He was just ahead of his time.

Yeah. I know. I blame Wednesday.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

A cool read

Gamasutra - Designer's Notebook - "The End Of Copyright"

Opinions?

Another Vintage Poster Mod

Okay, this one is crude but every time I look at it I smile. I guess I just have one of those brains. A crude brain. Lucky Heather, huh?



I thought of several other captions as well, but they were too wordy. If you can think of one you like and have an image editing program, feel free to click on mine to get a blank template. Have fun and share a link to your creation in the comments.

Now on with Tuesday.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Holy crap!

This apparently happened in Denver although it's the first I've heard of it:

BoingBoing: Woman charged for refusing to show ID on a public bus.

Having been in the military I probably would have shown my ID before really thinking about it. Old habits and such. As I recall Lowry AFB in Denver had a road that passed through it that city busses would drive down. This was many years back, but I'm pretty sure there was a sign at each gate that informed the passengers that they could not leave the bus while it was on the government property without proper military ID. As the bus came in the gate an MP would board, ask the passengers if anyone would be getting off and, if so, to present their IDs. That was it. Nobody not in the military had to worry about it.

What happened to this woman just seems very, very wrong and I'll be very interested in the outcome of the case.

Spam virus out the Yahoo

This is getting silly. Who falls for this stuff? What's with the sudden surge of this crap? It seemed like it was ramping up before Thanksgiving and today I had 50 of the things waiting for me. One made me laugh though. You've probably already seen it, but in case you haven't, here it is (minus the virus part).

From "postman@hotmail.com" to "3Dcollin":

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification.

SMTP_Error []
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

The full mail-text and header is attached!

Hahahahaha! "I've given up." I love it! Made me smile on a Monday, so that's worth something. Poor little Hotmail postman. I must remember to leave him some cookies in my mailbox as a holiday bonus.

Most shocking – so far since I have 48 more to go through – was this virus mail from my good friend "Musplswebha.2493395@usplswebhb36.imrsvcs.com":

hey its me, my old address dont work at time. i dont know why?!
in the last days ive got some mails. i' think thaz your mails but im not sure!

plz read and check ...
cyaaaaaaa

and it has the same attachment as the other one.

Mulsplswebha! How could you do me like this after everything we've been though?! I even stood by you at your wife's bris! And even though I kept my mouth shut at the time, I must say that wasn't pretty. Well, no more! You are OFF the Christmas list!

And finally, to round out the virus mail experience, I appear to come to the attention of the CIA due to the multitude of illegal websites I've been frequenting these days:

Dear Sir/Madam, (that's a good sign. I'm still cloaked in mystery! OooOOOoo!)

we have logged your IP-address on more than 30 illegal Websites.
(What can I say? I can't get enough of "goats on boats".)

Important:
Please answer our questions! (well, since you said "please" in such a forceful tone how can I possibly refuse, except by saying "no."?)
The list of questions are attached. (Silly CIA. List aren't attached. Virus are. It even has the same name as the one found in all of the other emails. You would think they would change the name to hide the guilty.)

Yours faithfully, (me love you long time)
Steven Allison (poor Steve. I wonder if he's being punched in the face by a random stranger right now?)

And that will do it for me.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Nancy Reagan says: "Remember kids, just say 'Cool Graphics!'"


Don't bother clicking as it doesn't lead anywhere.

I have seen many XBox 360 tie-ins lately, but this is – so far – the funniest yet. Especially the "Huh?" option. Oh, and remember "details apply." They always do.

Yep, it's busy.

In the meantime, enjoy this:


Monday, November 21, 2005

Monday Things.

Seen on the way to work today:

An old man with an oxygen tank waiting to cross the street while smoking a cigarette. My twisted little mind started flashing through various scenarios as I turned past him. Primarily, I was wondering: If someone were to hit him 'just right', perhaps with a bit of bumper English, would he explode? And wouldn't that be something to explain?

"Hey Bob! How was your drive in?"

"Pretty good up until I blew up a little old man. How was yours?"

-

I have a story that I wanted to write and post today, however it's a three day work week so we have a lot of ads that are trying to squeeze on to the schedule and Derek is on vacation in Las Vegas so we are down an artist. *Mayday! Mayday! We're down an artist!* So far things don't look too crazy, so we'll see. If I can't get back to this, have a great Monday.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Good news!

Derek already knew this and just didn't bother telling us, but it would seem that Monkey's posting again. He's very good at the machine gun funny. Check him out if you've never visited. You'll probably enjoy it.

Others* give you 'Phrickin' Photoblog Phridays'...

I give you...

an applehead.

So now who loves you, baby? Click the pic for bigger applehead love.

Someday applehead may have a body. Someday.

---
* The "Others" that I mention would be Derek and at times Heather. And probably "others" that I'm unaware of. Still, at this moment I'm the sole source of appleheads. Look at me! I'm on the cutting edge of Friday entertainment.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Now for something not so gruesome...

I took one of several "cute animal" photos that Heather sent to me and set about drawing it in (simulated) pencil. Here it is in its early stage:


Click it for a larger view.

The cat is mostly grey with a bit of white. Not one of the easier things to draw and it would have been a challenge even when I wasn't rusty. Now... I'm not even sure I'll finish it. So for now I present it as an unfinished sketch.

A story...

One of my two aunts who are younger than I am was getting married way back when. I think I must have already been in art school at that time. In fact it would probably be be around the time that I drew the Brahminy kite.

For a wedding gift, at my mother's insistence, I drew a picture of a kitten yawning using black and white charcoal pencils and a photo reference. We had it framed and she seemed to love it. I told her that I wanted to get a photo of it to add to my portfolio (such as it is), but I kept putting it off, like I tend to do. When I finally made time to get the photo taken the drawing had been "misplaced". I've never really been able to get a clear answer on what happened to it, nor have I ever gotten a photo of it. It really bugs me because I would love to see it again, just to see how my current drawing skills compare to then.

I love tangram games.

This one is a bit different though. It uses all of the standard pieces but you can't rotate them. In some ways this makes it easier. Also, in this Flash game there are a series of 7 random puzzles, each with a point value. If you finish them fast enough you get the point value plus a time bonus.

My challenge to you: Get as high a score as you can on the first try WITHOUT using the "allow cheats" button or the pause button. Make note of your score. Then try again, still without cheats or pausing. Note that score. Post both scores in the comments.

My scores:

1st = 1065
2nd = 1126

Click here to play the Tangram Game

A few things about the stitched-up head drawing:

  1. Overall I don't like it. This isn't unique however. I dislike a lot of what I draw.
  2. The only bit of it that I used any reference for was the eyebrows. The ones that were there before looked even worse.
  3. Since I was having trouble pulling a drawing out of wherever it is that I keep them, I decided to sketch a lame-ass head and experiment with technique. While I like the idea of the stitching, it needs work. Specifically the entry points. I have ideas for "next time".
  4. Part of the motivation behind the end result was the "zombie pimp and whores" drawing that I said I would do for Trashman months ago.
  5. Another part was to see how creepy I could make it. There was more that I was thinking about doing, but I didn't have time.
  6. Man, I hate the nose. Steeeenkin' nose. I re-drew it twice and still hate it. It's tough drawing a face from your imagination if you haven't done it in awhile.
  7. The top of the head is a bit squashed because I fell into my old habit of starting too close to the top of the "paper". In this case I was using the program Alias Sketchbook Pro and, unlike Photoshop, it's not easy to resize the canvas to suit your needs. At least, I haven't found an easy way.
  8. Ummm. Yeah. That's about it. I'll make a "nice" drawing next to balance out the forces of light and darkness.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I blame the full moon...



And the monkey.

Mental Monkeys Flinging Poo

I'm trying to draw something, anything, and nothing is flowing. My brain is clogged. Ugh. I can't even draw a freakin' zombie. Is that sad, or what? I need to figure out some kind of routine to break this horrible mindset that I keep falling into. Derek can draw anything at any time. Me? I freeze up. Why? I can draw. I've seen me do it! But at times it's like I'm seized by a mental panic monkey that ooks to me behind my eyes, "You can't do this. You suck. Look at that line! It's rubbish!" and it doesn't take long to convince me that it's right.

Grrr. Stinkin' monkey.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Another short one.

I stopped off at King Soopers on my way in to work to pay a couple of bills and pick up fluids for my stuffy head. On the way in the door I was passed by a tall, skinny, grey-haired Lurch looking guy with glasses who was on his way out. Since he looked a bit odd I watched him for a second as my door was cycling open. He took three steps, stopped and said, apparently to the parking lot at large, "Bong!"

I walked on in without looking back.

Monday, November 14, 2005

So the boy doesn't feel left out.

A few weeks ago the kids and I met up with Heather for dinner on a Tuesday night. We decided to dine at the lovely Wendy's on South Nevada Ave. If you are unfamiliar with South Nevada Ave., let's just say it's a colorful part of town, but it's also close to Heather's work which is a necessity since she only has an hour to finish eating and be back to it.

After eating, on the way back to her work, we were driving through the alley that runs behind Wendy's, Taco Bell and KFC. Justin suddenly piped up from the back seat: "Hey look! Real graffiti!"

I suppose all the years of video game graffiti – from Jet Grind Radio to GTA: San Andreas – still hadn't prepared him for his encounter with 'the real thing'.

Did we laugh? Oh yes, we did.

Sleeptalkers say the darndest things.

This short story is similar to the time my son, Justin, may or may not have eaten a bug off of the floor while he was sleeping. Except this time it involves the girl.

I was up late – really, really late – Saturday night. Jordyn came in to my room where I was working on the computer to talk with me and wound up falling asleep on my bed. Around 3 am her eyes popped open and she started talking:

"Toys. Toys. Toys. Toys. Toys. Toys. Toys. Toys. Toys. Toys..."

It's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Never stand between a zombie and his nacho money.


Mad for NACHOS!


I found this at a fun webpage called Stupid Comics. It's just a wee part of something bigger, but it's a pretty good wee part.

To the best of my knowledge, this is all I have for you today. I'm sorry. Try to soldier on and have yourselves a merry little weekend. Me? I'm going to do my best to avoid death by head cold. Wish me luck.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Have you the brain worms?

I really am not sure what is wrong with me. Is it this cold I've had for a week now? Is all of the built up bubbly mucus infringing on my grey matter? Or is it something more simple, like the fact that I'm getting old and stuff is just getting lost in there?

Here's the deal. I had an ad that was supposed to go out last night at 5pm. 5:30 rolled around and there was still no final approval. At 5:45 the AE (account executive for those "not in the know") made the decision that it could go out the next morning. All well and good. I was just happy to be able to finally get clear of here.

Morning rolls around as ususal, and at about 9:20am a different AE comes up to me and says that she needs me to email a PDF of the ad to her so that she can get the client's approval. It seems the first AE isn't going to be in and the ad has to go out to the paper absolutely no later than 10am.

I say "sure thing", the whole time I'm staring at her. I know her. She's been here longer than I have. I've worked on many of her ads in the past, although nothing recently since she's taken on more of a supervisory roll. Here's the thing: I COULDN'T REMEMBER HER NAME!

I swear, I was drawing a blank. I SHOULD have known her name, I just DIDN'T. I didn't even know what LETTER it started with. I felt the stirrings of a panic party inside my head. I was about to jokingly say, "And you are...?" and try to laugh it off but I KNEW that by then the panic inside my noggin would have emerged from my tear ducts and settled over my face and she would realize that I'd lost my mind. So I just smiled and stared at her all wide-eyed and stupid looking as she turned and walked out of the room.

I sat there for a few seconds and concentrated very hard on recalling her name with no luck. It was like trying to superglue a water balloon to a greased monkey. So I turned and consulted the phone list. I didn't see anything that looked like the vague idea I had of how her name should look on the first pass and the panic surged to an unprecedented level. In that moment it occurred to me how extra stupid this was since I'm the one responsible for updating the phone list.

During the second more careful look-through I saw a name that SEEMED like it SHOULD be hers, but it still looked wrong. However the more it settled into my head, the more correct it seemed to be. By the time I sent the email I was finally confident that was, in fact, her name.

And I don't drink heavily or take copious amounts of drugs. I know! Surprise! Not even small amounts. Probably a good thing too, if this is how bad I am sober.

Oh, and this isn't a new development in my head. In the past week I've forgotten Heather's work number and my ex's phone number, and no doubt other things that I've forgotten that I forgot.

At this point I should probably be grateful that breathing is autonomous.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I might be trying to tell me something.



This is one of several ideas that I had for this 50's era motivational poster. Others were "On the death train with you.", "Verrily, the Archangel Uncle Sam cast the Adam family from the Garden of New Jersey", "I will grind your bones to make my steel.", etc.

If you have some ideas of your own, click here for the template. If you use it, please leave a comment with a link to what you made.

Update:
I couldnt resist.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

A Tough Zombie Quiz

Guardian Unlimited Film | | Zombie film quiz

At least it was tough for me. I got 5/10. I would hang my head in shame if it weren't for the rigor mortis.

Observations and a glimpse into my dirty, dirty mind.

I found this story via boing boing. These are my observations on the situation:

  • The pervert in me regrets the lack of photos. Seriously. When in your life are you going to get to see a towering wall of boobies? For that matter, does it actually tower or is that just wishful thinking on my part?
  • I wonder if they are located near a train station or on a fault line? That would be something to see. You know. Because of the vibrations. Never mind.
  • Leave it to a Dutchman to come up with the idea. Do you think it might have something to do with growing up surrounded by dikes?
  • Talk about a generalization: "They know all about their car, but never seem to know their wife's bra size." First, I know very little about my car. It's blue and has a deer dent in the front. It runs on a combination of gasoline and my deepest wishes that it continue to do so. There you go. Second, I didn't even know I was married. Just kidding. I'm not. Not yet. I think the real reason we men don't recall our significant other's bra size is because we don't wear the things. Most of us don't at least. I'll bet those that do, remember. Normally, our sole bra concern is how to remove it all stealthy like. Size? "Off" is usually a good size, but it's difficult to wrap.
  • While I do think this is a nifty idea to help men shop for their special someone's frilly lacy knocker rockers, I really hope they are filming the men as they determine the size they need. Those are movies I'd like to see. Personally I get embarrassed just walking through a lingerie section more than twice. I can't even imagine how much worse it would be to have people staring at me while I cop a feel off a wall.
  • I wonder if they make you form a line, or is it every man for himself? Has there ever been a free-for-all at the booby wall? I just wanted to say that.
  • Do you have to agree to the purchase of a bra before they'll allow you to touch the wall? Is it legally binding?
  • If you are really short and your wife's size might be near the top, do they provide a stepladder?
  • I hope it's well secured. As funny as it would be, I wouldn't like to have my epitaph read: "He was killed by a falling wall of breasts due to forgetting to let go before walking away".
  • I wonder if you could stick a group of babies to them? It could be like a Japanese game show event. Or performance art.
  • Seriously, there needs to be a photo. For instance, are they just the silicon inserts slipped into ziplock bags and nailed to the wall, or has some effort been put into making them realistic? Are they mannequin dead white or does the tone change across the wall? What is the maximum size and is it positioned closer to the floor? I imagine there must be some realism to them since it states: "By look and touch, male shoppers can work out the right size ..."
  • And that's another thing. It says "male shoppers". Does this mean that women are prevented access to the booby wall? What if you are a lesbian out shopping for your someone significant? Do all lesbians know the cup size of their lovers? Do I really even want to know the answer to that question?
  • Are they arranged in pairs, or singles?
  • Does it say something dirty in braille?
  • Have they considered making a breast column that you could turn like a sunglass rack? They could call it a rack rack.
  • Are they planning on making a climbing wall?
  • How about a wall of willies to help women chose the right sized boxers for their men?

... and that's probably more than enough of that.

Ooo what fun.

I've been busy, and today God has apparently seen fit to try to blow us away with wind. We also lost power for about a half hour or so. Of course, it couldn't just go out and stay out. No. It had to go out for a few seconds then come on long enough for us to try and reboot our computers. Then go out again. Twice. It's not like I had a 10 am deadline or anything. Needless to say, deadline missed.

What else?

Oh yeah, I was going to mention yesterday – except I was too busy for my own good – that Jared over at Head Injury Theater was once again awesome. For October he was offering to paint any photo you sent him of you in a costume. Since I don't wear costumes, earlier this month I sent him photos of my kids in their costumes from last year. He did a great job. A couple days ago I sent along the photos that I've posted here, not expecting him to actually paint them as well. Not only did he paint them, he did it quick as hell ( I don't think he really ever sleeps) and it turned out quite wonderful. Justin laughed for at least three full minutes after seeing it.

You can see it and a lot more Halloween goodness here, including a contest that he's running: Identify the monsters and win a prize. When I get some time I'm going to give it a shot.

Also, I've decided to play with comment spam, at least until it rises up and threatens to engulf me. Don't worry, I wash my hands when I'm done.

I think that's it for now. Have a great Thursday.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

If you haven't seen this movie...

You should. It's fantastic. Here's what Orson Scott Card thought of it: Serenity - Uncle Orson Reviews Everything

My Little Monsters

Well, one little monster and one big monster. Would you believe, my son is only 12 years old – 13 in March – and he's within an inch or so of being as tall as I am? I'm 5'10". Not a giant, but still. He's huuuuuuge! I'm sure that more than one adult passing out candy last night thought he's too old to be trick-or-treating. Poor kid. 12! Here he is in all his Halloweenie glory this year:


You talkin' to me?


Gotch'yer face!

Then there's the girl. She's going to be tall early too. She just started kindergarten and she looks like she should be in 3rd grade. I guess they both managed to unlock the giant gene while they were floating in the birthin' fluid. Oh well, too late to do anything about it now. Heeeeeere's girlie:


But daddy! Nobody's going to think I'm cute!

Okay, the original plan was for her to be a Killer Queen, like the song, but her girl genes kicked in at the last minute and she decided she would rather be cute. So when it came time to actually do the door-to-door candy beggin' she passed on the mask:


That's better!

The candy donors at quite a few of the apartments we stopped at told her she was cute and/or gorgeous. Her answer? "Yes, I am."

And a final Halloween bonus for me, over at the Retropolitan's little patch of the net I seem to have won a contest. This is the first thing that I've won since art school. To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. I'll let you all know what the surprise prize is when I get it.

I hope everyone had a great Halloween. I really, really need to do more with it next year.
"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."