Monday, May 02, 2005

Spamitty-spam-spam

It's been ages since I've received spam that has even the slightest potential for mockery. Don't get me wrong, I'm still getting spam, but it's all unimaginative and boring. They better pick up the quality or they're going to be replaced, mark my words.

So. Here's one I just got, hot off the internet. It's not the best but it'll have to do in this, my spam famine (my comments in red, of course):

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From: 1ira@1dayresumes.com
Subject: Achieve full erection!
"Are you an optimist or a pessimist when it comes to your erection? Do you look downward halfway through the 'process' and think 'My erection is half full,' or 'My erection is pitiful.'? Well, thanks to SCIENCE! you don't need to ever think again and you are guarantied bountiful and fearsome erections at any time of the day or night! Oh bless the almighty SCIENCE!"
Date: May 2, 2005 1:04:01 PM MDT
To: Collin

Excellent erection
Why, thank you. I've been growing it for years. One day I hope it will win me a ribbon at the fair!
Prolonged effect
Yes, it does tend to sear itself into the back of one's eyeballs.
No prescription required
I should certainly hope not! Christ, if I had to get a prescription every time I was in dire need of an erection... Well, let's just say the co-pay would be brutal.

2 popular medicines:
CIALIS - http://www.pills-of-love.com/sv/
VIAGRA - http://www.pills-of-love.com/vt/

not to mention the not as popular, but less expensive:
POISON IVY - http://www.pills-of-love.com/owie/
SMACKING IT AROUND A BIT - http://www.pills-of-love.com/seriously-ow-man-stop-already/

Discreet packaging
I've always felt that these drugs should be packaged with a variety of porn and coupons for 10% off your next purchase at Dildo-Rama, and be delivered by someone really hot and willing to ensure your customer satisfaction. I guess that's why I'm not in marketing.

To be taken out, go here
Are you threatening me? If you are prepare to be smacked down by my excellent and effective erection of DOOM! Courtesy of SCIENCE!

Updated to make it non-image-dependent.

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"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."