Tuesday, May 10, 2005

You heard it here first, dammit!

Organized clowns are tools of Satan! And it's no laughing matter.

Read on, and gibber in fear as the evidence mounts:

It was recently discovered that the true "Number of the Beast" is actually "616", and not "666" as was previously reported by religious people and heavy metal artists around the world. Full story here.

"616" is the area code of Grand Rapids, Michigan. See?

(gets to gibbering, you!)

And the final demonic puzzle piece to fall into place, from April 19th through the 24th, Grand Rapids was the location of the "Clowns of America International" convention. Read about it here and feel the evil. FEEL IT! IT'S PINK! AND SPATTERED WITH ANIMATED GIFS! Seriously. It's just not good.

As you no doubt now see, it's as plain as the squeaky red noses on their faces. Don't let the painted on smiles and seltzer bottles fool you. It's all a part of Lucifer's plan! Even the big... floppy... shoes. For the love of God! Look how many you can fit into a car! It's unnatural, concentrated evil!

Unorganized (disorganized?) clowns are Satan tool wannabes, much like the followers of 'Metallica' before it was revealed that they weren't really Satanic, just greedy.

And MIMES! Mimes are Satan's clown ninjas used for covert operations of evil. Ever wonder why all dogs bark at mimes? They can sense the evil that is mime, much like they can terminators and postmen! If you don't already have a dog you better get one or you'll never hear the mimes coming!

And now you know. Knowledge is power!

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Minor update. I was rushed a bit when I posted this yesterday and I got to thinking, "Mimes aren't silencers. That's just silly. They're NINJAS!" So there you go. One teeny change that makes it all better. And more knowledgeable! (Extra KNOWLEDGE, free to you!)

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"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."