Thursday, May 12, 2005

What are they thinking?

I was over at a news site today, checking out a particularly awful picture of former child star Macaulay Culkin that one of my coworkers was talking about. He looked like he either just woke up or perhaps the judge ruffled his hair, because honestly, how often can a judge say he did that? Not nearly often enough.

Here, see for yourself:



CW1: "You should see this picture of Macaulay! He looks messed up."

CW2: "What happened? He used to be cute as a kid, but now he just looks weird."

Me: "To be honest, he looked weird as a kid too."

CW2: "Yeah. But in a cute way."

Right beneath this photo was an advertisement for (I'm pretty sure) the same company I mentioned I-don't-know-how-long-ago about the vertical ad involving the "frosted" gingerbread man resting in the tall, phallic glass of suspicious, thick white fluid. Let's call it "milk," wink-wink.

Well, apparently they are still making "fun" ads. Let's look at this one, shall we?



What the...?

Okay, let's look at the imagery presented here. We have a snake. Snakes aren't so bad. I like them. But I know a lot of people don't like them, so that makes it an odd choice for an image to draw the greatest number of click-through traffic to your site. May as well use spiders and clowns for a regular triptych of terror. How can this be remedied?

I know! Make the snake red! People love red snakes. Red is the international color of trust, after all. It has been proven in test after test that one of the first things a person thinks of when seeing red is "trust"... if we discount, "danger," "blood," "fire," "pain," "Satan," "Santa Claus," "apples," and probably a few dozen other things. "Trust" is right up there. And it's so soothing as well. Out of all the colors in the rainbow it is certainly one of them.

Okay! A red snake it is then! Still not quite doing it though. Not feeling the "urge to click."

I've got it! Make it a freakin' red RATTLE snake! With it's fangs hanging out! And make it so it's looking right at the customer as if to say, "poke at me for a good time" like real rattle snakes do all the time! They'll HAVE to click on it! They'll have no choice!

For their next ad I wouldn't be surprised to see a reclining leper with the tag line, "High Mortgage rates causing you to fall apart?"

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"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."