I borrowed* this list from a post at the Illustration Friday forum by a member named "toonman". It amused me. May it amuse you.
"It's a charity job" - everyone gets paid except you.
"It will give you exposure" - so does selling matches in the snow.
"You'll get your value back on the next jobs" - but not with us, we won't hire you again.
"It's only for the web" - where it will stand for years and be downloaded by millions of people.
"It's for educational purposes" - we are gonna teach you a lesson.
"It's great! But can you make some changes?" - the director's niece made a doodle and he wants it to look just like it.
"We are not a commercial publication" - we sell 40,000 a week and still don't want to pay the talents.
"Just do something quick" - but if it doesn't look awesome you'll get bashed.
"Do something simple" - any idiot can do it, that's why we choose you.
"I can't pay much" - but i don't want it to look cheap.
"We will be in touch" - we found a homeless guy willing to do it for a bottle of wine.
"Can you start ASAP?" - i had it on my desk for weeks, but now it's your problem.
"Because it's for an inside publication only, will it be cheaper?" - just forgot to mention the company is a multinational with more than 100,000 employees.
"Don't spend much time on it" - work all night and charge me half an hour.
"This could mean more jobs in our company" - if you like underpaid toilet cleaning.
"I'd like to send you a copy as a token of our gratitude" - to use as a paperweight for all those unpaid bills.
"Due to crisis, we won't be able to continue using your work" - it was that or downgrade my company car.
"Can you live off that?" - shouldn't you be starving and homeless?
"The check is in the mail" - virtually...
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* Yeah, yeah, okay. Fine. I STOLE this list, but at least I'm attributing the victim... er... "donor". And I made a few cosmetic changes.