Thursday, July 26, 2007

Short Story : The toilet seat and the battle of the sexes.

This didn't come up in my household recently; it was mentioned in an episode #4 of 'Man & Wife'. Scoop left the toilet seat up once and his daughter fell in. Shanda and his daughter were both angry at him for quite some time over that. That story got me thinking about my own "battle of the toilet seat" from early in my teenage years.

My dad remarried when I was 15, and his new wife had a daughter one year younger than me. My dad and I moved into their house, and the daughter and I shared a common bathroom. Up until this point I had never had to share a bathroom with a female. I soon learned all about skivvies and whatnot left over the curtain rack, the wide variety of primping materials scattered around the sink, not to use her blow dryer and to be very careful around the curling iron. I also learned that women aren't too keen on you leaving the toilet seat up after having a wizz. In the typical teenage boy way, I pretty much ignored her complaints until one day when she had one dunk in the ti-d-bol too many. There were screams and death threats that day. Her mom was on her side, and my dad suggested that I make an effort to be more mindful thereafter. So I learned to reflexively put the seat down whenever I was done with the bathroom and it's stuck to this day.

However...

Here's the question I have. If it's "not that hard" to learn to put the toilet seat down when you finish, and "any moron can do it," then why the fuck is so hard to learn to look at the seat before you start? It seems to me that's a skill that everyone should develop, just in case you find yourself in a situation where... oh, I don't know... someone else left the seat up? I do know this, in all the years that I shared a bathroom with just guys, I only fell in the freakin' toilet one time, and that was because I was tired and my eyes were on the fuzzy side. It woke me up quick and reinforced the notion to look before you squat.

So guys, learn to put the seat down when you're done. It's the polite thing to do.

But ladies, learn to look where you're planting your butt, just in case.

5 comments:

Heather said...

I always look. The few times when i fell in while growing up was cuz it was dark. Because of that I've developed a habit of reaching out and seeing if the lid is up and feeling whether it's just the lid lid or the seat. I haven't falled in in years!

Primping materials? Is that what you call them?

Derek Knight said...

seriously, yes. How fucking entitled must the whores who complain about things like this feel they are? (in a whiny, bitchy tone) HOW ABOUT YOU PUT THE SEAT DOWN? Well, I'll think about it. How about you not just back up to something and expect it to be the way you wish for it to be? Hopefully people like that don't drive the same way.

Anonymous said...

Ya know this is a touchy subject of course and one close to my heart. Although Chris and I take it one step further because I like to have the lid down. It's an ongoing thing for me but since we share a small bathroom in our bedroom and I have a LOT of 'primping' items I worry something will fall in the loo.

Oh how we go round and around when I see it left up...

I'd just like to add tho for the girls that in our defense the seat is curved and finished nicely on the arse side for a reason. That's because it's the side that's supposed to be seen!! No one wants to look at faded, ugly rubber grips and GAWD only knows what else splashes back on to the laminate!!

PLEASE out the thing down- for aesthetic value at least.

Oh and boys, you can ACTUALLY pee in the hole in the middle if you're a decent shot, we HAVE to sit down. It's not entitlement, it's basic physics.

Be proud that you are able to pee anywhere, anytime. Us chickies have to sit down and it sucks...

~Nate.

Heather said...

fallen in. Not falled in. Jesus, that Widefield edu-ma-cay-shun is showing!

Kathleen said...

I'm with Nate. I like the toilet LID down and not just because things might fall in, but because I've read (multiple times) that all toilets spray infinitesimally small particles of whatever is in said toilet into the air six feet in all directions. I don't like to worry that my toothbrush has "particles" on it.

"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."