Wednesday, April 27, 2005

The Conversations in My Head:

Everybody has them. I'm sure of it. Situations they find themselves in trigger little conversations in their head that never actually happen, but could have. You do it too. Don't lie to me. This is one I had while leaving work yesterday.

Scene: Me at the stop sign waiting to turn left out of the parking lot. A cop car is approaching from the left, too close to turn in front of so I wait. Five feet from the turn he flips on his signal and passes me on my side. I catch his eyes and the thoughts begin...

Me: "Oh, way to go flatfoot. I could have gone 3 seconds earlier if you had just signaled when you should have."

Him: "I'm not a beat cop*. I drive a car all day."

Me: "... flatass."

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* I had heard ages ago that police earned the name "flatfoot" prior to the extensive use of automobiles because when they walked the beat over time they would develop arch problems. Do I have any idea if this is true? No. No I don't. But that nugget of info is what passed through a sub level of my consciousness while the "conversation" was happening. I am wired weird.

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"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."