Monday, August 01, 2005

I was going to...

continue The Interview With The Jolly Reaper today, but then something else came up that might be more effective at getting my brain to work better on this Monday afternoon.

Here's the gist of it. BoingBoing linked to a page on Snopes where they've posted "Unanswerables". And I decided that I would answer them. Sound fun? I hope so. I will say that I am not claiming to offer a truthful answer and if you actually treat my answers as true and then do something stupid to hurt yourself or the people around you then it's not my fault. No tag backs.

Also, since there are so many questions I'll be breaking it into two or more posts, so if you like it you will have something to look forward to. And if you don't you have something to dread. I also hope that Snopes doesn't get angry at me for borrowing the questions for my own (and your) enjoyment. I will say this; Snopes is a fantastic source of information on Urban Legends. Use 'em.

Here I go:

Snopes' "Unanswerables" as answered by Collin

Q: Is there any truth that if you choke on the candy Peeps, that it hardens in your throat and even with the heimlich maneuver you can't be saved and you die? Let us know.

A: Not only is it true, it's in the slogan: "Peeps – We're here to kill you."
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Q: My younger sis heard: in order for a cologne/perfume/fragrance to be compatible to one's body chemistry, spray a sample and then lick it. If the taste stings the tongue, it is not suitable; no sting — it's a good match.

Please advise before I test the handful of colognes I've been using!

A: Almost correct, except instead of licking it you can just spray it directly on your tongue. When you find the one that doesn't sting, you've found your optimum scent. Remember to cleanse your palate between sprays or you might receive a false negative. I've found that I smell best with Butter Flavored Pam. Test away buddy!
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Q: HOW CAN I GET THE SUCTION BROKE WHEN THE CONTACT IS STUCK TO EYE

A: A needle should do it, but be careful. Keep a steady hand and touch your eye as little as possible. Take your time. Don't just dig at it. If you have been at it for about a half hour and you just can't lift the edge you can try poking a small hole through the center if it's a soft lens, but I really suggest you leave that as a last resort.
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Q: Has anyone had to cut off their tongue because it frozen to a flagpole?

A: No. Not a flagpole. A truck bumper, yes. But that wasn't so much cut off as pulled out.
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Q: DRIED PIDGEON MANURE IF IT MAKES CONTACT WITH YOUR EYE, WILL CAUSE YOU TO GO BLIND?

A: Yes. You should only allow wet pigeon poo into your eyes. And as long as we are on the subject of dried manure, if you get dried horse manure in your nose it will cause you to go cowboy.
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Q: Hi, I just wanted to ask if you could investigate this urban legend. 16 is the age of consent for having sex with someone over 18.

A: This isn't so much an urban legend as it is a question of law. I suggest you ask a cop. And, while you are at it, show him your porn collection. He'll be more than happy to help. It's why he's there.
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Q: Does urinating on a lemon tree make it grow quicker/better?

A: Not really, but it might seem quicker and you'll feel better. Just be sure that it's your lemon tree.
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Q: I just read a blurb that pre-packaged foods can cause people to turn gay because of too much estrogen. If I was only allowed one question for snopes, I would ask if this is true. Is it?

A: No, it won't turn you gay. It'll make you grow boobies. It's entirely up to you who you let touch them after that point. And remember, if you let a guy touch your Swanson's boobies it still doesn't mean that you are gay. You might just be drunk.
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Q: Does the color pink really make a person feel weaker?

A: Only if you are a member of a fundamentalist religion and it's being worn by a man inside of cuddling range.
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Q: PLEASE INFORM ME OF THE REAL NAME OF THE LOCATION IN MUDDER SHE WROTE "CABOT COVE", MAINE THERE MUST HAVE A REAL PLACE THEY USED FOR THE SERIES. PLEASE HELP!

A: I'm sorry to burst your bubble. All episodes of "Mudder She Wrote" were filmed on the lot of Buckskin Joe's near Canon City, Colorado. All of the ocean and lush vegetation shots were done using models and stock photography. The lobsters were chihuahuas in costumes.
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Q: If someone was too eat a huge clump of wasabi paste..Could they choke to death from being unable to breath?

A: Yes. Most people who choke to death do so because they are unable to breath. Hence the name "choked to death".
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Q: They say that if a person has a pet cat and dies, if the person's body is not found fairly soon after death, the cat, having not been fed, will become ravenously hungry and eat the dead person's face off — JUST the face!

Is this true? My cat often looks me in the face. I used to think he was just being friendly. Now I know he's just sizing me up, like a chef at a butcher shop, waiting for "the big day". Since hearing this rumor, every time my cat licks his chops it gives me the willies!

A: It's not true. They will also chew off fingertips and toes, assuming they can get your gloves and shoes off. And it is very ill advised to die in the nude. If you are a cat owner, which I see you are, and you feel yourself suddenly dying you should do your best to either open a door or window to the outside, or fall on the cat(s).
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More to come... eventually.

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"Boring a hole in the patient’s head creates a door through which the demons can escape, and - viola! - out goes the crazy."