Friday, March 18, 2005

Listen... Do you wanna know a secret?

More fun from the scamspammer front. My comments are in red. Have a good weekend all.

From: osdorp paul
Date: March 17, 2005 10:41:26 AM MST
To: pawillqzn@netscape.net Now, the odd thing is, this isn't my email address.
Subject: SOLICITING FOR A BUSINESS VENTURE AND PARTNERSHIP
Yay! I was just thinking that what I really need around the house – you know, to spruce up the place – is a business venture and partnership! It's my lucky, lucky day!

Dear Friend,

First and foremost, I apologize for using this medium to communicate a business proposal of this magnitude ,
Not a problem, friend. No need to apologize. Next time super size it if a medium won't fit your magnitude.
this is solely because of the confidentiality nature repose on the net;
You don't say? Well, now that you mention it, the "net" is awfully confidential. I mean, stuff so rarely leaks out onto the "net" that it's more of a "bucket with a very tight lid" really. One in repose no less.
before I go on further, I must be grateful to introduce myself.
Yes, you must! For if you aren't grateful I might lash out in my fury and strike you a mighty blow betwixt your eyes and about your noggin. Furiously.
My name is Mr. Paul Wayne Zuma from the republic of South Africa .
Really? It isn't Paul Osdorp as the "from" says? I'm flabbergasted almost unto the point of furiousness by this grave news.
My (late) father DR.zuma Kent Williams was the managing director of the Gold Mine company in SOUTH AFRICA.
Seriously? Dr. Zuma Kent Williams was your father?! Man, talk about a coincidence. Of all the people you could have written to, you chose me! Your father and I go WAY back to that time when I was hired by his business associate to kill him! It is a small world after all.
But he was assasinated by his business assoicate and all his properties was totally destroyed,
Hey now! I may have killed the man, but I did not destroy any of his properties! I'm a paid assassin, not a vandal dammit! His stuff was destroyed by that other guy. Fritz, I think his name was. And it wasn't done with malice, he was just very clumsy. An inner ear problem, I believe.
however,I managed to escape with some of my father's valid documents covering Forty Millions and Five Hundred United States Dollars (US$40.5M) which is presently deposited safely in a finance/scurity company in the Netherlands
Dude! That was you?! Do you have any idea how close my shot was? It must have at least parted your hair on its way by. And you should thank Fritz. If he hadn't bumped me I would have had you. Now I spend my days pining for the "one that got away." Seriously. Your father's business associate was quite annoyed that those documents were gone. I tried to point out to him that the contract was for Dr. Zuma Kent Williams and whoever else was in the room and once you had cleared the doorway it wasn't my job to get you. He disagreed and only paid me half saying that I would get the balance once I silenced you and retrieved the documents.
where I now reside as a refugee;
No WAY! That's awesome! Where are you staying? I wanna... umm... "invest" in your dealie. Thing.
and I do not have the intention of returning home for fear of being assassinated by my father's business associate.
The irony of this is simply delicious. So. About the directions to where you are staying...

MY REQUEST As a result of my present situation as a refugee who cannot have access to own an account or accounts, I am therefore faced with the dilemma of seeking for a trustworthy individual/firm that can advise me in making the rightful investment as well as to provide account(s) where the funds will be lodge into.
Hey! That's even better! I'll meet you at the bank and we can discuss..."lodging" stuff. Bring the documents.
More also, we are at the interim interested in buying properties for residence as we been residing there in the near future.
Might I suggest you shop around the local mortuaries?
Please be aware that my family are also in a safe location and I am in contact with them.
Oh, freakin' great! You told your FAMILY?! Dammit. I better go buy more bullets. Any chance they will be willing to accompany you to the bank?

COMMISSION/REMUNERATION; As regard yourcommission/remuneration,
Hey, don't sweat it. I'll be paid. Not your concern. You just hie yourself on over to the bank. Bring your family. And the documents.
my family and I have decided to offer you 25% of the total sum and also set aside 5% for all your expenses (i.e telephone bills, traveling expenses, hotel bills and other miscellaneous expenses).
Bullets? Because I only buy the best and they aren't cheap. If you would be so kind as to underwrite them I will be most pleased. Bordering on ecstatic when all is said and done.

NOTE: I shall commit half of my own share of the total sum into a joint venture project preferably in the purchase of Real Estate or other profitable business venture within your knowledge existing in your area.
Sure. I'll sell you a nice little plot of land. It's a bit deep in the woods, but with luck you'll never be disturbed.
Be assured that you stand no risk of any kind
No shit? Good to hear.
as the funds in question belong to us alone.
I have a feeling that your father's old business partner wouldn't agree.
As soon as I get your consent,
Consider it gotten.
I will furnish you with the details and contact of the Finance/Security Company and after a few more details have being communicated,
You do of course know that the Devil is in the details, right?
we shall then proceed to arrange for a face to face meeting in order to know each other better
Bliss! I TOTALLY look forward to that. You have no idea.
and also discuss the terms and conditions of the partnership extensively.
Oh yes. There shall be extensive discussions. Bring the documents. And your family.
I strongly believe that associating with you to embark on this and other business ventures will derive a huge success hereafter
If you mean IN the hereafter, then I think you might be on to something. Yes. I'm most certain of it.
and it will be a long lasting business association.
Well, if you view "long" as the rest of your life, and "the rest of your life" being the time it takes to pull a trigger, then yes, it will be long. And satisfying.
If you have any question, do not fail to contact me with my e-mail address (paulwayne45@netscape.net) I await your anticipated co-operation.
Oh yes. Yes indeed. I'm filled with great anticipation as well. See you soon Paul.

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